Dainty Diva
Friday, September 15, 2006
The past few days have been very torturing. Ever since i get to know abt my jaw thingy, i wasn't interested in every other things. It seems to me that life juz go on, clock will stil tick, time will still pass. I made no attempt to improve myself to perform better, instead, i switched my whole mind off. I took a great deal of time to digest what ppl said to me, the questions ppl posed in class, even some of the readings that we are told to do. Diminishing Marginal Return, a term seems so familiar but i dun think it's the cause for my case. It seems to me that i've gave up on myself.
Today, when i went to collect the financial calculators from my prof, we engaged in a short conversation of majors and life. He told me that he isn't working now, he is playing now. He alwayz look so hyper and excited in class. He said to me, "see things with an open mind and many of the students can't think because they are spoon fed for as long as 17 years." It could be true, and i'm definitely one the the many who can't think and process. I din noe the correct way to articulate well and express my views and comments. Inferior. that's how i feel when i sat in class everyday, listening to those impossible questions. Fear, that's how i feel when endless of questions were thrown to u to get u to elaborate and even express ur views on their questions. It's no longer the small class that i used to have in poly, which will keep quiet and not ask any questions after each presentation. It is so different here. We all bombard each other with questions and different point of view. Thats the way we are facilitating the class.
It wasn't easy to get over the cultural shock, no one says is easy. The simple conversation with my prof set me thinking, to ask myself what i really want in life. He said that it wasn't easy to made it so far to uni and he says that the most impt thing is to welcome challenges and take the school as a playing field. Everyone is here to learn, if not this wun be called a school or institute. Enlightenment. I stoned for a while, and i guess it's time for me to catch up. I can't stay in my comfort zone, hoping that everything will remain the same. Nothing remains the same, onli history stays as what it was written. It's time for me to move on, to stop being so stubborn and childish for hating the school. Time for me to grow up, to accept what's coming up and to set the direction that i intend to go towards.
~ Grow up ~
