Dainty Diva
Friday, March 31, 2006
done with projects.. here comes exam.. haiz..
anyway i really wonder why smu females students dunno how to flush the toilets.. is it juz so hard for them to push that bloody button which is so damn obvious... I guess smu should conduct this lesson in teaching them how to dispose their pads properly too.. damn disgusting... i never noe girls can miss their "target" when they are sitting on the toilet bowl itself.. shame..
heard from brenda today that NUS and NTU exchange students said that SMU is so different.. haha.. i wonder if its for the good or bad.. hahaa.. anyway.. get down with work.. louis is still sleeping.. i really envy those ppl who can fall asleep with heads on table. at least i can't.. haiz.. my MA sux.. printed so much things... invested so many money in MA.. i better get good results..
Insomnia and stomach overhauled..
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
driving lesson is fun today.. at least i din si che... hahaa... should be goin for my next lesson on mon... hehee...
ohz.. jocelyn helped me with my test paper today.. haha... actually i feel alrite with my results only... coz my mcq got 15 out of 30.. damn.. i never like mcq.. my true false got 8/10 and my long question got 58/60.. darn MCQz.. i hate them..
hmm... now i'm starting to worry for my MA... shit.. david haven send me his part.. argh...
headache and swollen eyes.. time for me to sleep!!!!!
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
angelsky called again.. yes yes yes.... i need a facial... esp to mend that big big hole caused by my big big blackhead... haiz.. i guess i should be goin facial soon le..
Got driving lesson tomolo morning.. had been rushing my reports day and night.. and i think is should start studying soon le.. hmm.. i wan to get rid of my blackheads.. they sux...
the weather is getting so damn warm... it's so sticky!!!! i need more than 4 baths per day... shucks..
Saturday, March 25, 2006
It's my hell hell week this week... stayed in school till wee hours for 2 nites... and last nite i stayed till ard 9... fantastic.. haiz.. i was god damn tired when i got home... i sat up after i bathed as i couldn't sleep with my hair wet... my eyes were barely open.. I hasn't been sleeping well since monday.... slept for less than 5 hours each night.. it's killing me...
Finally... i got to sleep till 3pm todae... for the first time in the week... argh... but how i wish my menses was not here... so that i can have nicer sleep... hehehe...
Argh.... need to get back to my 2 reports.. one individual and one group report... haiz... it's hell...
Friday, March 24, 2006
oh god... i went for my driving todae.. and it was like shit.. i dun even noe how to drive now.. haiz.... i guess i wun be able to make it for my test... i will need to postpone it... damn!!! i hate projects... damn damn... i blamed myself..
The instructor was asking me why i so blur todae.. coz not enough sleep lahz!!! slept at 5... woke up at 9.. Pui!... aiyah actually it's juz that i careless and i dun turn and see blind spot or what before i turn out.... so almost got into accident.. haiz.. i'm not a safe driver.. dun ever let me drive even when i pass my test.. hahaa.. coz i simply sux.. hahaa
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
2 nites of hardwork and finally we presented todae... we did okie.. and hope that i can secure an A.. if not my this sem will be BUANG... anyway.. happy to receive huiling's sms.. but i'm really sorry ya? i will meet up with u next week after i finish my MA.. i trying to analyse my managerial accounting project.. trying to draw out the outline.. so that we can get on with it fast... haiz.. I look super panda today, even when i've my make up on.. haiz.. i need sleep.. so i drop dead on my bed after removing my make up.... sleeeep...
Anyway... I'm really happy today!!! hahaa... a simple message made me happy!!!
Oh ya... i really have a nice time working with my BGS group.. we made fun of each other... we realised that we are all jokers and crappers... we "suan" one another... here are some funnie jokes: They said that i must have met an accident before i came to SMU, that explains why I look so different today as compared to poly times. besides that, they commented that the doctor din do a good job... =_="" that's why i look uglier now! hahaha.... it's so funnie that we kept luffing.. Joke no. 2: Pris stood up to present her part, and we were asking.. pris.. stand up leh... impolite leh u.. it's obviously insulting as she is vertically challenged.. ahhaha... so funnie!!!! there's so much joy, fun, laughter, smiles and anger in the process of the presentation preparation but.. i truly enjoy them all...
I've got these rashes all over me.. i hate them.. muz be drug allergies.. haiz... damn...
2nd nite in school.... argh.. everyone is so damn tired.. yesterdae we tried to sort our slides out.. 90 over slides.. that's crazy!! then we finally slowly cut down our slides.. goin thru it over and over again.. trying to improve it.. trying to add in some entertainment etc.. that's tiring.. i woke up at 7, reached home at ard 12 plus.. damn...
then today.. went for lesson and then trying hard to listen to class.. but i juz couldn't... coz i'm disappointed with my test result.. i tot that i would get better to pull up my overall grades.. who noes... haiz... damn... i also made careless mistakes... i din compute the gross profit margin.. no wonder i juz couldn't understand why louis keep saying that there's this gross profit margin.. now i noe why.. coz i overlooked it.. i was so damn angry with myself... hate it!!!
Stress, tired and pissed... i've no mood for class.. no mood for everything.. i'm juz so tired and want to end everything... When i really need someone to talk to.. sth happened again.. too tired to clear up the mess.. too tired to do anything... i juz hate myself for everything..
damn.. got to reach sch at 7.45 tomolo.. ogt to wear formal.. argh!!!! i need to sleep.. No one noes how is it like when tired, pissed, disappointed, stressed and pms all comes together.. it's worst and i'm experiencing it... haiz...
Monday, March 20, 2006
Argh.. I tot things are okie.. but it wasn't... i was good and obedient for the past 1 day or so.. and i stop vomiting... so last nite i tested by eating potato chips.. and i was okie.. so i assume i was well again.. So i drank soya bean milk this morning while i was waiting for terence at jurong.. i was okie... so we made our way down to nippon paint office.. Mr charlie Wong was personable and friendly. It's so nice to meet him.. he had explained what we need to know. Besides, i've got to learn things which is outside the books... Theories seems easy... application seems hard.. everything is so diff in the working world.... I'm scared... i dun want to face the challenging world outside.. haiz...
ANyway.. then i got home... feeling tired and giddy... got home to take a short rest before goin for my class at 3.30pm. I got home with my cup noodles.. I ate my tom yam cup noodles.. it went inside my stomach.. and came out from my mouth... yucks.. there are even traces of soya bean milk... my throat was burning when the tom yam soup plus the hydrochloric acid from my stomach was vomited out... haiz.. it sucks.. i really thought that things are okie when i dun puke for almost 2 days.. why are things coming back again?? and i'm feeling bloated now... coz i drank some milo down.. at least to fill my stomach..
Please.. no more puking... it sux... oh gosh... it's going to rain and i dunno when i can get home tonite.. i really hope that my BGS can be done by tonite... hmm... i need to sleep... *garfield's eyes *
Sunday, March 19, 2006
got to wake up @ 7 to get down to boonlay to meet the manager of nippon paint at 10... then after that.. need to go back to sch for my AS at 3.30... then after that got project meetin all the way till 10 plus... oh shit... my day will be like hell tomolo... haiz...
I want a break!!!!
Saturday, March 18, 2006
argh... i dunno what's happening to me.. i vomit, vomited and still vomiting.. haiz.. i can't afford to be sick now~!! not for these 3 weeks... exam is drawing near... i sense danger... i smell the burning smoke...
I really wan to go out.. wanted to go out with huiling on thurs, but she's sick.. and all thanx to me.. she got her sinus back again.. and her conclusion is that i'm the flu bug... coz i never fail to give her sinus when i ask her out... haiz... tHis is juz like how i fell sick with fever whenever they asked me out to chiong.. hahaa... it's mutual.. hahaa.... Anyway.. long time since i play with my makeup... i want to makeip and go shopping for a while.. i juz wan to look pretty for a while.. i juz wan to go down to orchard road to smell some 人气。 I want to get some happiness out of shopping, out of makeups... argh... but things dun go my way...
OG sales is ending todae...everyone is down with project, so am i... but i really wan to go out!!!! Haiz.. I goin to screw up my GPA this semester.. coz i'm facing a problem which i always face in poly.. but things are far much serious here... things don't seems good when i start getting frustrated and pissed... haiz... really hope that things will get better
Argh.. vomited... giddy.... headache... lack of sleep. all those shit.. worsen my headache, worsen my day.. it's bad enough.. but is like things are making it worse... haiz...
No mood to blog.... juz feel like head is heavy... eyes are tired... everything sux... sucky...
If only life can be simplier, i would be happier too...
Thursday, March 16, 2006
hmm... now finally everything is almost done.. left with MA, BGS projects and one more individual report to complete.. left with 2 weeks before the study break... hope that this sem won't pull down my GPA too much.. it's better for me to touch on law... coz i've been putting it aside for months.. it's time to get back to it.. but i guess i should start worrying abt my MA project... haiz.. everyone seems to be completing soon and my group haven even started on it.. shit shit...
Oh ya... this morning waited for huiling's sms to see if we are goin out.. then she told me that she's sick.. hmm.. and actually i also not feeling well.. muz be becoz of the busy school life last week plus the weather.. haiz.. Thought that i will get to see her todae.. but nevermind.. i went to sleep after i received the sms from her.. i was so tired and i literally fell dead on my bed after taking my fever medicine.. i slept all the way till slightly pass 5pm.. oh gosh.. my whole body like... can't turn or what.. diaooz..
aiyah i need to go over to my auntie house.. so long never go over due to my heavy school work.. time to pay the twins a visit.. haha...
I really hope everything is getting better..
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
read huiling's blog.. what else can i say?? nothing i can say... no matter what i say also no use.. explanation only makes things worse.. I know she's worrying things beyond her control.. her health and many many things.. Calling u only i received ur sms? in fact i dun even call people.. i dun even have time for my driving for the past months...
Attempted to talk to her over net.. but she kept telling me she got to go or talk to me later.. what can i say.. I also got no brain cells to go think.. whatever it is... school is really giving me a hard time... lousy grades.. forget it.. i dunno what else to say.. no matter what i say also wun help anyway...
Happy birthday to you..
happy birthday to you...
happy birthday to weiling...
happy birthday to u....
Happy sweet 21st birthday my dear girl... This is the only way i can sing u a birthday song.. sorie ger.. i admit i'm selfish... i din wan to see ur name in mandai.. let alone ur photo.. i juz want to keep telling myself.. u are with me.. I'm selfish.. i juz hope to remember the weiling i used to know...
We were still celebrating ur 20th birthday last year in a special way... at the cantonment park overhead bridge.. As i watched the video.. i luffed.. and i cried.. i just couldn't accept the fact that u are gone.. and i juz couldn't bring myself to accept it.. and i dun wan to accept it...
This year as usual, i bought u ur chocolate cake.. but please.. i juz wan to see u in my dreams.. i juz wan to say happy birthday to u personally.. i wan u to say thank you.. i want to see ur smiles...
I simply miss those times we spent together.. ur birthday treat, our ccrazy ways of celebrating.. Ger.. u still owe me a sabo ya?? Dun forget it's our usual procedure.. We miss ya darling... we really really do...
happy birthday... *muackz*
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
went for my MA test.. thanx to louis and bren.. i'm able to do my MA paper.. first time i feel that there's hope for my MA... anyway... the lesson todae was boring.. juz too tired to think and listen.. i juz wan to get home to rest..
Called my instructor to book my driving lessons.. and the first thing he asked was "你跑去那里？？“ School work had been too hectic for me for the past few weeeks.. and i just got some space to breathe.. so i decided to go back to my driving lessons.. but the uncle told me sth bad.. he suggested that i should push back my test date.. i dun wan!!! i juz wan to pass it.. once and for all.. I juz dun wan to drag on and on.. then i will have to extend my PDL and it will be another expenses.. I'm determined that no matter how busy i am i will go for my driving lessons constantly.. i can't afford to push back my driving test...
After the BGS and MA test.. i will need to handle my MA and BGS presentation plus individual report... It's not easy to cope with social and school life.. it's not easy to find time to go out with friends.. i dunno if huiling really understand,. or rather i guess she dun even wan to try to understand.. she has too much problem to handle with.. all i can do is to let her be.. If u say that we are redrifiting apart.. i can tell u that i dun wan it to happen too.. i want time to go out too.. i juz couldn't cope with the workload.. and the forthcoming projects and discussion.. i dunno how much will u understand.. but i'm juz so tired to explain..
As what louis had said.. i'm aiming too high.. but i'm aiming high.. so that i will be motivated to work.. i will be motivated to study.. i'm aiming high so that i will have no regrets for not giving in my best.. I'm aiming high and determined to aim high.. even if it's goin to give me more stress...
Monday, March 13, 2006
ate so much things today.. i sat at the dining table... kept eating and eating.. i ate so much more.. and my mum was shocked... but too bad there's not chilli.. i love cut chilli while my dad love balachian.. erm.. hope it's in the correct spelling.. anyway.. my mum commented that both my dad and I are so hard to please.. she juz simply dun understand why the both of us can make a fuss when there's no chilli.. hahaa.. i juz feel weird when i dun eat chilli... hahaa..
Oh ya.. ate chocolates too.. bars and bars of chocolate.. ate another packet of jack and jill chilli potato chips.. my mum thought that i was starved for days... but i'm not!!! i ate so much for the past few days.. i can see it coming.. i can feel it coming.. menses.. hahaa...
Oh ya... i want to get this week over and done with.. then i shall begin on my BGS and MA project... For MA project.. i dunno what to do as we have no really started on it yet.. argh... due in like 2 weeeks time... damn.. MA is such a idiotic module.. weird weird profs and weird weird test questions.. and lead me to get weird weird results... haiz... i need something normal.. so i shall try to normalize everything...
Saturday, March 11, 2006
That day, brenda asked me why am i so stressed up... the reason is simple.. coz i wan to do well.. but behind the reasons of why i want to do well.. are a long list of reasons... It's not that i want to be stressed.. who will wan to be stress when she can enjoy...
MAny people dun understand.. or i should say all people dun understand... why am i so stressed up.. why i kept saying i'm busy.. why am i not sparing some time for friends or those who i know are important for me.. What can i do when i dun even have time for myself... Do i really want all these?? I dun want them too.. It has been difficult and tiring for a dumbass like me to keep studying and keeping up with the schoolwork.. i had enough in my poly and now i'm facing things which are even worse.. I dun wan to explain why i chose to neglect those ppl ard me.. but frankly speaking... i really have no time.. I need to sleep.. i need to study... Those professors are giving us hard times as they dun really teach.. there are many things which we need to read up ourselves.. it's not as easy as it seems to be..
It is true tat we have shorter lessons and school time.. but who knows that we are actually spending more time on our projects instead.. endless and endless of projects.. things are made worse when i'm doin different projects with different groups.. accommodating, compromising, sacrificing my free time.. all these seems to be manatory in SMU...
I din wan to explain so much to everyone.. coz i'm tired.. I hope that friends do understand.. but apparently it's hard..
I wanted to do well in studies.. not because i dunno how to enjoy my life nor chose to neglect my friends.. it is that i choose to repay my parents for their hardwork in bringing me up and working hard for me to go uni.. i want to do them proud, i want to fulfill their dreams.. it's something that money can't give.. it's something that i sincerely hope to achieve.. but... it's hard.. i'm doin all these.. at the expense of my enjoyment, at the expense of the time i could spent with friends.. at the expense of everything...
I chose to work during hols.. not because i've got nothing better to do.. not that i dun wan to spend time with friends and hang outwith them.. who wouldn't want to go shopping and live happily.. It's juz that i've got my reasons.. i no longer want to add on to my parents' burden by juz telling them to pay for everything.. I need to think for my younger brother too.. there are so many things which i need to think about.. to take care of... People may think that i'm so stupid to think for all these problems when it seems to be the responsibility of the parents.. but to me.. this is not my parents' responsibility to pay for all my expenses.. It's a family thingy.. and i'm part of the family..
I'm too tired to explain.. to everyone.. If things are meant to be.. it will be... Being ünderstanding and empathetic is hard.. I know it..
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Now i've got this feeling.. everything is drifting away from me... No more time to mingle with old friends.. no more energy to care about other things... Everything is juz not right...
Everything is drifitng.. her, him and them...
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
went to NUH to see tabi.. hahaa.... then there's this Dr Fong who is a specialist for braces came to take a look at my teeth and to conduct a test for tabi... oh my god... the test is like... full of jargons and terms.. diaoz.. anyway.. Dr fong said that i've got special set of teeth as well... everyone there said the same thing.. well.. i'm special!!! haha...
Oh ya.. after tabi's test, Dr fong asked me if i'm interested to undergo this surgery to elongate my chin.. well.. that's my dream.. alwayz has been my dream.. but it's a MAJOR surgery. I heard from Tabi that they will first make openings within my mouth, and then saw and break my jaws.. then insert something in to make it longer.. oh my god... it's far far too scary for me lahz!!! I love to look pretty, i'm a vainpot.. but not to the extend to undergo plastic surgery bah.. hahaa....
If $5000+lost of blood+pain+worry+risk+everything outweighs the benefit of being pretty, why should i go for it.. it sound so scary.. i came home and told my mum.. mum said sth... my family who had this kind of chin are having good and happy family and life. She dun wan me to be so silly.. coz to her, she feel that my face will eventually affect my destiny.. well... somehow i should believe bah.. coz until now.. i feel that i'm blessed in everything... getting into SMU, being loved by everyone, my family, my friends...
Well well well... i need to do my project....
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
I'm so happppieeee!!!! i've got 3 more exemptions.. 2 under science and 1 under arts.. yeah man!!! i wan to complete my uni in 3.5 years time... i will work hard!!! harder than before!!! yeah!!! i'm happy...
Wish myself good luck for tomol's test!!!! yeah!!! i'm praying hard to have a quiet environment for me to study now.... i need peace...
Monday, March 06, 2006
Today is a funnie day.. everyone in the class laughs upon linghui's presentation.. She is a joker. firstly, she didn't zip up and her actions were so big that even the last row of the class noticed that she didn't zip up.
Then during the miniquiz which her group came up with, she said something like if anyone who got the question correctly, he or she will be have the honor to take a picture with her. She described herself as the "pretty linghui"... everyone luffed... i luffed till tears were out.. hahaa.. No one dares to answer the question, in the end the prof answered. She said that the picture can be taken after 12midnight... what the... hahaha
After the class, me and jocelyn walked towards PS to get to the MRT. After i bid jocelyn goodbye, i met two idiots when i was walking from the NE line to North south line. The two guy are almost my height and they look young to me.
They stopped me and blocked my way before they asked me if i used to be from SP, then i said no.. so i attempted to walk away.. then they tried again, this time say JC, then i said that i dun think i noe them, then i walked away... then they kept stopping to me to ask if i'm free for tea.. weird..
I juz said no and walked off.. they followed me and eventually walked off when there's too many ppl at the north south line... weird ppl.. Anyway... todae was tiring.. i need to study for BGS.. and i realised that i've got no time for my MA.. argh... i need help from god.. coz i need time..
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Went to Mandai today... bbrought a chocolate cake with me to visit weiling.. Jiayi brought homemade curry chicken while sandra brought some drumlets and rose. As for joyce, one of the frequent visitors of weiling, she brought us drinks.. Somehow, i juz can't accept the fact that she's gone.. i looked at the photos, i smile whenever i look at them.. Somehow i can really feel that she's around, and she will alwayz be..
After that, we went off to sandra's house for the photo album thingy.. looked at the photos, i realised how much weiling had changed.. her hairstyle, her looks, her appearance, everything abt her had changed for the better.. she's getting prettier and prettier as time goes... But her heart has never changed... she will alwayz value her family, her friends, and everyone ard her...
I'm grateful to have her as my friend.. i'm happy to know that she's happy...
Friday, March 03, 2006
got back my law paper today... was really disappointed with myself.. with my grades.. i expect my results to be bad but not a B-.. A b- is badly enough to pull all my GPA down... i guess i really need to study now.. I'm dumb by nature.. thats what my parents alwayz told me.. when ppl study for 1 hour to get a pass grade, i need 2.. i'm alwayz behind ppl.. i alwayz need to put in more effort to get what i want.. Now i realised what my parents have been telling me is true.. me and my brother.. both shared the same genes.. we have stupidity in us.. juz that in poly, i worked harder than ever to get good grades.. and now it seems i'm the dumbest of all people in SMU..
I really need to study.. i've been spending too much time idling and thinking of things.. when i'm studying, i can't focus.. i've lost my direction and goals... now it's time i find them all back.. to study hard.. Perhaps it's time for me to stop thinking why things happened.. why is life so unfair.. Instead i should channel all my attention to how to make life fair for me.. How to stop things from happening..
It's a fact that she's gone.. perhaps i should juz knock some sense into myself to strive hard for my studies.. perhaps in this way, i might be able to fulfill some of her dreams for her.. to graduate with my honors..
**I'm really screwed this semester.. haiz.. i need more luck than ever...
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Oh shit.. i dunno why am i getting insomnia again.. it's horrible.. i wan to sleep.. i really do.. i feel so tired when i start sitting up but feeling so awake when i'm lying down.. what the hell.. haiz.. i need sleep.. i'm seriously deprived of sleep.. but i juz can't get into sleep... shit... Look at the time now.. what the hell.. i hate myself.. hate my insomnia... arGhz...
I need sleep.. i want to sleep... but my brain and body refuse to listen to me.. =(
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Somehow.. i dunno why.. the thought struck me...
In this world, there is something wonderful named as love, there's something known as hatred.. Many people said that extreme love will lead to extreme hatred if things are not handled properly.. Sometimes i'm thinking.. everyone is saying "I love You", it's losing it's meaning as well as it's magic. They used to said that it's a magic phrase to melt girls' heart, to woo a girl, to make his feeling known to the girl. But times after times, these words are heard everywhere, even when ppl murdered someone. How absurd is it to say that U love someone, so u wanted to end her suffering and juz took her life away.. So what's love..
If i do believe that love can be seen, love can be felt.. but can love be measured?? I've been asking myself.. how much I love him, i wonder how much will it consider much and how little will it be considered little. It seems that it couldn't be measured.. But I trust my feelings.. yet it's still unknown.
Love is unfair, juz because u love that person, it does not mean that the person will love u as much as u do or even more.. Love is something that makes people happy, makes ppl sad, makes ppl depressed, makes ppl changed...
If, i'm willing to change, willing to make sacrifices just to maintain a relationship, will that consider i'm deeply in love?... but how deep can love be when one day, we might just say goodbye... One day, within an hour, we can bid goodbye juz because of quarrels...
I want to have a machine to measure love.. to let me see how much love really worth.. is is priceless or worthless... Dunno what get into me.. i'm getting senseless... haiz
