Dainty Diva
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
1st of march.. my mum reminded me to go over to my auntie house for dinner.. i asked why.. she told me someone's birthday..
After much thought, then i realised it was her birthday.. oOpz.. i forgot all about it.. haiz.. useless daughter.. Anyway.. i guess i did what i should as a daughter.. so i'm not feeling gulity or what.. bleah..
Went to get my jeans... i love that jeans.. but apparently, i like the levis one more.. damnn.. why muz i saw it after i bought that jeans... haiz.. I'm tired.. i too lazy to do what i should do.. such as studying and doin project..
Got a 8.30am class tomolo... yawnz... i need to get home early tomolo.. so how am i goin to do my project.. hmm... i need more time..
yawnz... time to sleep.. but it's so early.. so unlike me..
Monday, February 27, 2006
my amazing ibook... i've got this dashboard and allow me to blog with that dashboard thingy
.. so cool.. i no longer need to go all the way to log in juz to blog.. haha.. i will blog more often now!!!! hehehee
after so long... after a long wait.. finally she appeared in my dreeams... i woke up at 2pm.. bid weiling goodbye...
In the dream.. we were having a birthday celebration.. if i'm not wrong, it was for jiayi.. this time.. sandra, weiling, joyce, jiayi and I were there.. it's after my school and after jiayi's and sandra's work.. everything is as usual... We sat in this small romantic room.. in the room, we were as usual, luffing and teasing each other.. I remembered that when i reached the restaurant, they had they dinner, so left with me and sandra.. weiling keep telling me to order those cakes, dun order those main course.. cute her.. i guess she muz have wanted some..
This time.. joyce was holding her tight, or rather hugging her.. we were all aware that she's gone.. the feeling is just so weird.. in the dreams, everything seems real. It's just like a get together after she's gone.. For each birthday celebration, we will have a cake. this time it's special.. my dear weiling love chocolate cake.. while the others love cheese cake.. for this time the cake speical: half chocolate and half cheese.. it's made in such a way that it's beautiful.... this time.. the candle is whilte.. i've no idea why two candles are white.. Weiling lighted up the candles, pushed it to me and tell me to blow... this is after jiayi had blowed the first time round... then i asked her why muz i blow the candles when i'm not the birthday girl... she smiled and tell me to blow off the candles... she said that she will blow one, i will blow the other... then i followed her instructions.. after that she smiled to me.. as though she's giving me early birthday wishes...
After everything, we were sitting down, chatting as usual when she showed us photos and videos. She said that that's where she's living.. but i held those photos in my hand, everything is dark.. very dark.. i couldn't figure out who were in the photos.. but i could see the doors of the apartments. then there was this little girl.. i dunno who is she.. ialso dun remembered what weiling said.. As for the video.. In the video, everyone was very happily, singing KTV, playing cards, partying.. everything.. could hear laughters etc.. she kept telling us that she is happy and very happy indeed.. yes.. i noe she's happy.. and we are happy for her too.. In the dreams, there's not tears no cries, only laughters and smiles.
I dunno how my dream ended.. but somehow i juz woke up.. After i woke up.. i cried... heartache..
No weiling.. i'm telling u now and i'm serious... i dun accept early birthday wishes.. i wan u to find me again.. i want u to say "happy birthday" to me.. i need nothing more but the 2 words..
haiz... time for school....
Sunday, February 26, 2006
i did my As critique thingy over the weekend.. din really noe what to write.. so as usual.. crapology.. a skill which all poly students mastered and a skill which is definitely necessary needed in uni as well..
Watched two movie consecutively, one on friday and the other on saturday. Watched munich on friday.. WOah! a nice and fantastic movie.. hahaa.. bloody scenes.. nice storyline.. but a sad one as well.. especially when it's a true story.. it'sa 3hrs movie.. nice nice.. worth the movie tickets hahaa...
As for last nite, i watched the Rumour has it!!! funnie show.. and again.. it's a true story.. then went to geylang to have dim sum supper.. nice nice...
This morning, someone jumped down from the 10th floor, landed on the shelter on the second floor.. oh gosh.. i heard from my mum that the one who commited suicide is the auntie from the 3rd floor.. she had depression all along in these years.. but she seems alrite.. but my dad said that she's not.. my dad said that she had once snatch a chopper from the coffeeshop and threatened to chop ppl.. oh my god... my house here are full of weird ppl... anyway.. for that auntie.. i feel bad for her parents.. Both her mum and dad are old and had to rely on walking stick to walk ard.. besides.. both her parents live in my block too. haiz.. sad case..
I'm so tired.. school starting tomolo!!!!!! oh shit...more shit coming in.. before i can clear this pile of shit, i can forsee a new pile of shit coming.. damn... haiz...
Thursday, February 23, 2006
I've made many many ppl angry yesterdae.. Now is past 12am.. a brand new day... i hope there will be a brand new start..
I'm sorry for i did.. i've no intention to hurt u... I dunno what else to sae coz i've said too many sorries..
And now.. Sorry no longer holds it's meaning anymore..
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Huiling arh huiling.... i'm sorrie... for raking up those painful stuff and touching on sensitive issues last nite.. i dunno that it will hurt u that much... i'm sorrie ger...
I dunno if i'm right to tell u to leave him.. though it may seems to be a simple statement made, i noe it isn't easy at all.... it takes a lot of courage to say no to a relationship which is 1 year plus old.... But It seems that, no matter if u were with him or not with him, u will still be sad.. perhaps u should let it go?? that's what i think. But if u think that there's future to this relationship then i guess perhaps u should carry on.. I dun wan to see u like this... Love may be painful but not in this way.. not when u are forced to leave him...
My dear friend, u once told me that we live for ourselves.. u once told me that relationship is sth which has no right or wrong.. think it over ya? call me if u wan or need me k? i noe i'm a useless friend.. but i hope i can offer my listening ear ya? take care.. u still got many friends ard u... take care
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Went shopping with bren... looked at so many things.. tried on some of them.. but most of the time, we were talking.. Went into mango and my dear bren bought one jeans. i love the jeans too.. but i'm broke... anyway.. it's a nice shopping trip todae... thou it's onli me and bren, but we never lack of things to tok abt... we talked abt her mike, louis and many other ppl.. too many to name....
Oh ya... my huiling is finally back la.. tot she's goin to stay there to be PR.. girl, since u are back.. it's time for u to find a goal in life... it's time for u to find a job k... i dun wan to nag at u anymore.. coz i noe it wun help and u wun care... i also dun wan to be a naggy granny.. As for the facial, i've been doin mask myself recently, so my skin is still quite alrite. wun be goin for facial that soon...
i'm so sick of school.. juz met another problem in the project.. my group couldn't find a company to do project on.. it sux.. i feel so bad too as i can't really help in the part of finding company... haiz.. hate mmyself for it.... everything is not goin well for me this year.... can i juz end everything like that... suddenly, i miss weiling alot..
Saturday, February 18, 2006
argh.... what a monthly torture it is...
i'm resting on my bed like a bed ridden patient.. my feet are cold.. my stupid menses cramp.. it's like hell... Jolene asked me if i wanted to go sentosa tomolo for a sch even.. haiz.. if i go tomolo, i shall turn the sea red.. haiz...
I'm really in pain.. is this how i'm goin to spend my break?? can i really have a break to enjoy myself..?!!! sickening.. haiz...
Had a super long bitching session with bren and jols yesterdae.. haha...
We were on net discussing abt the NYP scandal thingy and then we felt the urge to go out.. coz it's our term break... Jols felt like suppering.. and i were hungry too.. so the three of us intend to get some supper. Brenda took a cab to my house first and then went off to fetch jolene. We went to geylang for the dim sum and then sat down to bitch... haha.. we reached there at ard 12 and then bitched till ard 3 before we decided to move off to cineplex for a movie.
Took a cab there and we were luffing madly in the taxi.. darling brenda is so cute!! hahaa... On out way to geylang, jolene asked me why i wore shorts to geylang when i noe there the place is so dirty and many ppl will be looking at me.. haha.. but the problem is i alwayz wear shorts there and that i din make up or what shit. So i feel it's alrite.. but that brenda said sth like, "please don't make me cut of my pants for u, i love my pants." hahaha so funnie!!! besides that, there are so many funie things that bren said.. made me and jols luff our hearts out.. hahaa
Anyway i din noe that bren is a christian until yesterdae.. or rather todae early morning.. haha
ohoh.. back to the movie.. watched casanova.. not bad.. it's funnie.. but i dun like their language.. it's those literature kind of english.. i hate them.. hahaa.. but it's really not bad.. at least there's a storyline... reached home at ard 6.45am... hahaa.. a fun nite out with them..
We bitched about everything and anything.. hahhaa... hmm.. we shall more of the supper cum bitching session!! hahaa..
Friday, February 17, 2006
Finally i managed to rush out all my reports.. 2 reports in a day... what the hell... the most unethical report i ever did.. i merely find info and put into the report... i dun care anymore.. i juz too tired to go think...
Suddenly i feel so lost.. it seems that long time since i meet up with huiling, qiujin, porkies, poly friends etc... my life seems so empty without them.. Haiz.. is it true that friends bound to leave when we go on to another stage of our life?? Besides Qiujin, all the others are either working or finding work to do. I failed to be a good friends.. to porkies, huiling and many people... i dunno why.. i juz feel that i dun have time for everyone.. And i'm so passive that i alwayz wait for ppl to call me out.. i noe it's not good but... i dunno why too... haiz...
I'm sorry friends... i will find time for u all ya?! take care gers...
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Had my driving lesson.. one month since the last lesson.. my instructor asked what happened to me.. why didn't i called him up to arrange for a lesson.. i juz said that i'm caught up by my schoolwork.. I wasn't in very good mood.. nor very bad mood.. i juz dun feel good that's all.. I was blur and daze todae.
Anyway.. when i was driving towards lentor ave.. uncle told me that she read abt this ger who died in the accident on the newspaper.. He told me that she was of the same age as me and was studying in SIM.. yesh.. it's weiling.. i dunno why he mentioned abt her.. but i replied him that she is my friend.. that's why i din really wanted to arrange for driving lesson.. he was quite shocked.. but he consoled me and talked abt all other stuff and theory.. as usual.. those comforting statements meant to be made when such situation arise. Anyway... I wasn't really very very sad when he mentioned abt weiling.. instead i was smiling when telling him how sweet she is.. somehow, i've learnt to get on..
So much work.. so many things which i dunno.. the lousy grades i got.. everything.. makes the life in SMU depressing... Todae.. the engine din get the chance to die off.. coz i stepped on the acelerator like nobody business.. I was turning without braking.. i was driving faster than usual... but somehow.. i'm feeling better after that.. coz at least i feel that i'm in control of things... not the other way round...
Jinhui kept telling me to change my MSN nick.. he mentioned something like if i keep telling myself how depressing life in SMU is, i wun be happy.. i need to see things from another perspective.. USUAL JINHUI who like to lecture me.. who like to preach.. he will be a good pastor next time man.... telling u about wrong and good.. telling u everything.. hahaa.... at least i noe he cares.. thankew arh... but i'm still stubborn.. u noe me... haha...
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
A bad fall woke me up.. I've realised that i'm not studying and concentrating ever since that incident...
I've got 1.25marks for my MA test... it is over 15marks and i've got 1.25 markz.. i couldn't believe myself.. not even my history or Amaths test back in sec sch got this kind of grades before.. I'm getting such a grade now for sth which i've studied and aced in... I almost broke down... I'm alwayz grades-driven.. A Low grade is enough to depress me.. let alone a fail grade...
It seems that i should get on with my studies.. i should be studying hard.. at least to do something for me and weiling.. to fulfil her dream as well as mine... i will study hard... and i mean it.. i will revert back to the old me.. who stay at home and study all day long... I hate myself for that sudden change when i got into SMU.. i hate myself for dwelling and brooding over things which can't be changed...
This time.. i noe i've fallen.. it hurts me too much that i realised.. it's time for me to let go...
Saw joyce's OD, it seems that she's not okie.. everything seems to be too sudden for her to accept... Ger.. it's time for you to let go too.. She won't want to see u like that too... We will still be porky, gathering and birthday celebrations will still be as usual... Don't lose us too... and we can't lose u too.. Please dun go back to the old joyce.. u had went thru a hard time trying to get out of that world remember? Please dun go back into it again... We love u, joyce.. =)
Monday, February 13, 2006
someone is really so disgusting todae... haiz...
i had my presentation todae.. it was quite alrite... makeups and low cut spag top works on my prof! haha.. i saw jolene wearing miniskirt too.. we are out to get more marks.. hahaa.. anyway i guess i should be okie lahz... at least a B lahz...
Oh ya... She presented todae.. "the she"... u all should noe who i refering to le lahz... wah kaoz.. i can see how her partner reacted when she saw the dramatic "ger.... i guess poor girl muz be worried how her marks can be jeopardise by linghui. I dunno understand whats wrong with her.. mentioning abt funneral when her topic is how to propose to a girl... what the hell...
At the end of her presentation, she flashed a poem written by her.. the poem is okie.. but what she said was not. she said that the poem is meant for everyone in the class including her secret admirer... i dun understand.. is someone admiring her or she admiring someone... all the guys in the class are stunned!!!!! wah kaoz.. i can see how shocked they are lahz.. somemore only 3 guys in the class.. hahaaa.. funnie....
Coughing like shit... and flu too.. here comes fever too... argh... haiz... i wan to get well.. i wan to eat fried food.. i missed ikeas chicken wings and swedish meatballs... i wan to eat many things...
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Finally my friend's friend called me up.. asked me to go for a xray for my teeth... will be goin on wednesday after my school.
It had been sometime since i learn driving.. it's time for me to get back to my lessons.. thereshould be at least 20 days... haiz.... everything is coming at a shot... tired...
FLu and flu... i've been sick for many days.. i wan to recover..
Friday, February 10, 2006
hmm.. today is weiling's 7th day...i've been waiting for her since last nite.. Now when i look at her photos, i smiled. I'm glad to have such wonderful frien.. and she will alwayz be my dearie..
I waited and waited... till 5.30am i finally fell asleep... woke up at 7. She din came to look for me no appear in my dreams... i think she really dunno where i live lahz... afterall, she hasn't been to my house before... haha...
Weiling arhz... rememember to come find me... i would prefer u to appear in my dreams... it's alrite if u wan to look for me like that, but please knock the door or what to tell me u are coming in.. haha...
see ya weiling... =)
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Everyday when i had my meals at home.. i often used my personal chopsticks.. it's just some habit of my family members. Each of us have our own mugs and spoons and chopticks.
Looking at the chopsticks.. i think of weiling.. it's a gift from weiling for my birthday. If i'm not wrong, it should be two years ago.. my 18th birthday i guess... We celebrated in thai express, the holland outlet. got so many gifts from porkies, wanqi, oli and my dear brother, jinhui.
When i'm having my meals, weiling will alwayz be beside me, accompanying and enjoying the meal together... She loves to eat.. juz like a little glutton, but with an angelic face and heart. I juz miss u dearie..
I noe i should get on with my life.. and i will.. I guess it's time for me to see a doc for my fever and flu.. and then.. get down to study for my tomolo test... i dunno what to study.. but i will study...
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
who said that time will heal everything..
I still miss her... i stared at our photos on her blog... everything seems so normal.. but when i tell myself she's gone.. My heart aches, my tears began to well up.. i juz couldn't believe that...
On sandra's wedding ceremony, i'm the one who put on her make up.. i'm the one who praised her for her beautiful eyes.. now, when i stared at the pic.. i smiled, with tears in my eyes.. everyone saes that she's there as long as i believe that she lives in my heart.. but it's juz so difficult to convince myself to believe in that..
Today, daryl made a causal remark abt bike accident.. and i realised how much i'm missing her.. Everything ard me seems to bring me back to our good old days.. Those days whereby we spent our night in school rushing our projects.. those days when she treat us to cze cha.. those days when i juz couldn't stop teasing her.. Those happy and beautiful days...
life has to go on.. i noe that... i took my MA test.. it's the most tricky paper i ever sat for... i felt so demoralised... i love managerial accounting when i'm in poly.. i'm juz interested in it.. but it seems that... the test paper make me feel that i dun love it all.. instead.. i hate it...
So many things to do.. so many things to settle... everything seems so dead to me...
Sunday, February 05, 2006
yesterdae, i fell asleep on my bed after i came back from school.. I caught a cold i guess... having flu and sore throat... took some med and fell asleep... I wanted to wake up at 8pm to attend weiling's wake.. yet i couldn't hear the alarm.. I only woke up at 8 plus, after jiayi called.
I jumped out of my bed.. and attended the wake. her mum seems alrite... everything seems so peaceful there... More and more friends came.. she got many many friends... coz.. she's juz so friendly.. A ger who never fail to bring laughter and smile to her friends.. a selfless and easy goin ger who is there when we need her..
Everyone was sharing things about weiling.. talking abt how innocent and blur she is.. i smiled.. yet i still cried.. i juz miss those time so much... i miss teasing her.. i still wan to call her piggy.. Saw her lying there.. saw her wearing the white gold earring we gave her... my weiling and the ger in there seems so different...
I was doin projects and trying to study.. i wanted to keep myself busy... but sometimes.. i would stil tear unknowingly.. i would still pray for her.. hoping that she will be happy... I miss her so much... i can't bear to see her at the wake anymore.. i juz couldn't.... i din wan to send her off.. i hate that kind of feeling.. i hate to see her being cremeted.. i juz had very bad experience with all that.. i juz dun like to see ppl leaving me...
I'm sorry weiling... but u will alwayz be in my heart... I'm sorrie.. i juz can't bring myself to.. thank god that i have test on that day... it make me feel better for not going.. sorrie weiling... i will see u in my dreams... do drop by.. i will be missing u... forever... *muackz*
Friday, February 03, 2006
yestedae i got a call from wanqi.. something happened.. happened to one of my close friends.. one of those whom i held so closely to... Rushed to the hospital... saw everyone was there.. her family and her friends.. for a moment, i can't accept the reality... Got home in the late nite to do my report....
Today, I left when it's in the middle of the class... i've this feeling.. she's goin soon... I rushed there.. managed to see her.. tell her that hanwei was there to see her too... i stood there.. watching her helplessly... Her eyes were swollen, so was her face.. I can't recognise her anymore... where is the cheerful weiling i used to know...
At 4.50 pm.. her blood pressure is dropping... heart beat is slowing down... at 5pm.. she's gone.. she can finally escape those pain.. How heartbreaking and heartache to see her bleeding profusely.. her head and her ears.. how sad it is for us to see her leave..
We had gone thru so much of happy moments, project times.. we had been thru all these together... I will miss u...
I noe you will alwayz be there... be there in our hearts.. we love u, weiling...
weiling... will u please come back... do u know how many ppl are loving u, caring for u???
