Dainty Diva
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
I finally realized... The previous blogskin is too sweet for me... haha... I've decided to stop acting sweet... and back to reality... Hmm... i wonder why am I spending time yet blogging instead of muggling... haha... I'm goin to have the stats quiz tomolo... oh god.. and I dun understand those formula...
Today.. the prof talked abt being instrinsic and extrinsic.... I guess when i'm in poly.. i'm extrinsic... now it's burnt out... so i'm depending on my low intrinsic self... Hmm.. thats the reason why am I not studying and spending time in here, editing my blogskin and blogging.
I can't wait for my ibook to come.. I realised I need a small and light laptop badly.. And.. for todae.. I took a closed look at my aching tooth and realized my front tooth is slightly crooked... wah... my wisdom tooth.. or rather teeth as there's 4 of them... is so powerful.. Too powerful that i hate them... i need money to go put on braces coz i realli love myself too much... i wanted to look pretty!!! Not with crooked teeth... haiz... i need money....
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
xX I don't Believe Xx
I don't believe that u dun even have 5 mins to spare to talk to me!!!! HATE U...
Juz becoz u treat me like that... i told myself that i will go for an overseas internship programme for the duration of a year... hurmp... dun tok to u.. dun msg u... dun even let u see me... hurmp!!!!!
I'm SO iRRItaTed!!!!!!
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
... I'm not used to it...
Hoping to get onto my bed to have a deep, peaceful sleep.. closed the lights.. lay on my bed... shut my eyes... hoping to drift into my sweet dreams... but i can't.. turned from side to side.. tried all wayz... yet.. can't get to sleep...
I'm pretty tired todae.. but i can't sleep... i just feel that something is missing... On my hp... played for a while.. hoping to get tired but i din... i seem to be waiting for sth.. the sth is missing.. On my laptop... wanted to write my blog.. saw he's still online... muz be still studying... Then i noe what is the sth missing... i have not heard him since yesterdae... thou i've chatted with him over msn.. but is juz not normal.. We would normally tok on phone.. no matter whether he is in taiwan.. brunei or even in camp.. but it seems he is really busy this time round..
I guess i should learn to accept, adapt and understand.. coz the both of us will be busy.. Work is really pilling up... I muz get my feet and hands together to start studying... haiz... i miss the good old times...
Friday, September 16, 2005
I'm sick.. i need concern.. but u are not there.. I'm feeling terrible.. hoping u to juz meet u for once.. yet u can't.. I noe u are busy.. i noe u are stressed.. I noe i'm unreasonable.. But is it true that u can't even spend 1 or 2 hours juz to have lunch or breakfast with me? Is it really so hard? I'm i realli so unreasonable to ask for 1 or 2 hours which is even lesser than the time u spend on maple and soccer?
U alwayz ask me why am i unhappy..
It's becoz u asked me why i'm unhappy... I can't possibly tell u everything.. why i'm unhappy everything.. but can u juz spend a little effort to be more empathetic towards me and my feelings. Is it really too much?
waH... In the 9pm show... i saw myself.. the unreasonable... suspicious... women... or rtaher crazy women... haha... now i noe how adrian feels... hmm.. hard on him le... hmm... but i feel that.. i wun change leh.. will try to but i guess not so fast to see result... so... bear with it for some time lahz... hehee
He's so busy with his studies this week... can't even meet him for lunch or things like that.. the only time i saw him was yesterdae.. went to his sch... to look at the ibook... HUILING!!! I goin to buy the Ibook.. the one which i alwayz feel so nice haha.... cheap somemore....
Hmm... really hoope can see him tomolo... haiz... I've got fever lehz.. then my house here hor... got 2 blocks blacklisted for dengue fever arhz!!! somemore juz in front of my block... diaoz... i better dun get dengue ... if not... i'm sure i wun be able to catch up with the sch... hehe.. choy choy choy....
Thursday, September 15, 2005
.: FairyTale :.
Every girl hope their love story to be like fairytale, dreamy yet real.. Sweet and romantic..
I alwayz hope to be the princess in the fairytale, living happily ever after with my prince.. someone so manly yet gentle and loving.. Someone who never fails to make mi smile.. giving me happiness..
It's hard to find someone whom you had complete trust in, to be by ur side, in times of ups and downs.. It is hard.. to find someone who can rely on.. for today.. tomorrow and forever.. I know.. no one is perfect.. so am i... I alwayz giving myself hope.. hoping to have romantic moments with him... now.. perhaps i need to close my storybook, ending my fairytale chapter..
Let me get real and trying to appreciate things.. But still i'm still a girl.. *SaD*
i guess.. there are many things which i shouldn't have done... sometimes... i felt realli sick and tired of it... sometimes i felt my hard work not appreciated...
I've tried.. to understand the things he is doin... such as when he go army... i tried my best to go understand what he mean by all those jargons.. how things work in the army... trying to let him feel that.. he is understood... we have common topics to talk abt...
Even i've tried to understand soccer... the worse and the most boring thing to a ger.. i've tried.. and again.. to have some common chat topics... Trying to understand the friends ard him... trying to play games which he play... hoping that we might be closer... but i guess i'm totally wrong...
Why make myself so miserable when my hard work is not recognised nor appreciated... i hated games... i felt that is a waste of time... but after todae... i realised... no matter what i do... what i try.. i juz couldn't understand him... he has more things to tok to his friends juz like i can talk and even curse and swear to huiling for all i wan... and she understand.. but he onli noe how to judge me... how bad i am to bitch behind ppl.. Why should i waste so much time and effort doing all these things which dun seems to fit to my intended purpose...
By putting all these effort in studies... i noe i will do well... but no matter how hard i try.. how much effort i put in... the relationship will alwayz be dull and dead... coz this is not only my part... it somehows depend on the other party as well... Why should i investing so much time and effort since i noe... i wun get any good and appreciation in return...
I will juz stop all this... i'm tired... if it's gonna end... it will... so juz let it end sooner...
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
as week past... more and more projects are stacking up... this and tht.... then got to read the journals... prepare for that report... everything like crushing me... Thought of goin over to NTU on thursday to take a look at the ibook... tot of buying that... but in the end need to meet up for project work... thought he will be goin in the afternoon, but who noes.. he wanted to go in the morning... i wanted to meet up with him.. i've got to do project... i wanted to take a look at the ibook... yet my friends couldn't make it in the afternoon as they have classes... why am i alwayz ended up in this kind of dilemma... argh....
Maybe he is too stress up in his studies.. maybe he's too busy... he just got no time for me... whenever i thought of yesterday's incident, i'm still sad... i'm just so unhappy with everything... everything around me...
Monday, September 12, 2005
Dear all... I'm still in school library... look at the time.... I'm stuck in sch earlier on as it is raining so heavily... or rather a thunderstorm.. i couldn't get to the MRT nor the Bus stop... Nor can i get a cab... There is no shelter for me to stand under to wait for a cab...
I'm in formal wear with my laptop and heavy textbook... i'm so stranded... i really have no choice but to called him to ask if he can come to pick me up... When he picked up the call, i can sense the frustration and reluctance... i gave up... i dun want to tok anymore... i dun wan to cry in front of my friends..
Went to the library... sat down.. surf the net... burying my head in that cubicle so that no one can see what my face is like... no one can see my teary and red eyes... Why should i be so sad... He is studying with a friend.. that's why he can't come... perhaps he is realli stressed up.. perhaps he is realli tired... perhaps he dun wan to leave his friend behind... perhaps he can't get to his car as well as it is realli raining heavily...
Perhaps.. perhaps perhapz... i'm trying to find excuses for me not to be sad... But.. come to think abt it... how many times have i asked him to fetch me home... how many times have i really have no choice but to call him to travel to pick me up... Why he can help his frien out by fetching her and her friends even when he is sleeping in the late night... Why.. Why can he be such a great help to a frien and not gerfriend... I'm trying hard to find excuses.. i'm trying to make myself feels better...
I really thought he will call and ask how am i... have i got home.. am i drenched.. but he didn't... 2 hours plus have past.. yet no call no sms... can i ask... what am i to u... Is it that i'm not as impt as her? Scold me paranoid.. scold me for digging out the past...scold whatever u wan... but before u open ur mouth to say me... please reflect on the way u treated me...
I've tried all wayz to find excuses for u.. i've told myself not to think so much... but i've ran out of excuses.. and i still not convinced...
Sunday, September 11, 2005
I've this nightmare... which Adrian said is a dream as it didn't involve vampires and stuff like that... but this is worse than that... Everything seems so real... I could feel the pain... I could feel the sadness... despite it's juz a dream... Let me relate my dream...
It was in the night, when i was playing my warrior... while Melissa, tallboy, micheal and him was online... While i was talking to mel, i saw Adrian saying, goodnight my dear... I'm sure he is not saying to me... and i dunno who is he talkin to as he is using the buddy chat and the ger isn't in my buddy list... I panic... i was heartbroken.. i can feel the pain.. i could feel the anxiety..
I called him.. he picked up the call... i asked him abt who is the "dear" he talked to... he said it was a ger he knew over maple story... I continued by askin why he address her dear.. he told me that he love the ger... He wanted to break up with me... He alwayz wanted to tell me but dunno how to tell me.. I asked him if i know the ger... He replied me saying that not long before he had forwarded a mail to me.. and that mail was sent to him by the girl name yiling... He said that she was gentle.. she was sweet and cute.. and he's really really happy when he's with her...
I was devastated... i asked him if this few years relationship really means nothing to him.. he juz replied coldly "it isn't how long the realtionship is.. Is whether there's happiness..." Upon hearing that, i was crying like hell... I still remember i asked him a crucial question.. Are you really happy with her? Does she know abt it? He said he had never been so happy... and he said that she knows... Before hanging up the phone.. i said.. i wish u all the best then...
Argh... Why i have this kind of dream.. the worse thing is that i remember every little thing.. even the girl's name... Does this shows that he will eventually leave me one day or what... My confidence in the relationship is shaken.. I've messaged him telling him all that.. but he din reply.. Perhaps he dun even bother... I'm waiting for the reply..
...I'm still Waiting...
Saturday, September 10, 2005
here is another bomb thrown to me by my prof.... Accounting... i hate it... THou i did it back in poly... but it seems that i can't remember a single thing abt it...
Now.. i need to analyse the financial statement of a listed company eu yan sang... it simply sux... i dunno how to go abt doin it.. and even the prof hasn't gone thru it...
I'm grouping with those second year students who will be taking double major... they are clever students.. but yet clueless in this project... i need it by mondae... oh goosh... how am i goin to go abt doin it... i'm so sick of sch... i'm so tired... i need to sleep... i need to rest... i'm mentally stressed up...
Why am i paying so much money to the sch for torturing me... am i nutz... i guess sooner or later, i will become one...
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
i've got myself so many surprises from my profs... Hate them.. I really tot i've settled one of my LTB project when the Accounting prof threw me a bomb.. I've got another accounting project due on this coming monday... I'm group with all year 2 students.. those students who are taking either double degree or double major... haha... so they are smart...
I really hope i will of help to them... coz i seems so blur in anything and everything.. I still can't get directions clear.. I still lost my way while travelling from on school to another... Oh gooSh... I guess i shldn't be taking my driving test... because.. so what if i've got my license... I will waste so much money on petrol.. causing accidents on road... Juz let my dear drive me ard... hahaa...
I've so much things to be done.... the prof is like talking crap to me each week... I understand nothing abt those statistics he is talking abt... i've got another frien from the other poly.. we both agree that.. prof are trying to make things more complicated to differentiate themselves from lecturers as they are PHD holders.. while lecturers are Masters... But to us... we still prefer Masters... coz at least we learnt things in a simple, easy and fast way... Isn't this what the world is wanting from us? why make things so complicated... dUhz...
Saturday, September 03, 2005
I'VE PASSED MY ADVANCED THEORY
hehe... i was looking questions by questions.. now realli better than the booklet.. at least the car and picture will move... i can understand... better than them drawing a few lines and curves wanting me to understand... haha...
I was pondering some of the questions.. i realli dunno what they mean.. haha... i juz tikam... haha.. heng arhz.. at the end of the test it said.. passed... hahahaa.... so happy... now need to get an instructor fast.. but i go where find time to learn...
Haiz.. i'm damn bloody hungry now... i wanted my BK breakfast.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Sometimes.. I really feel we are standing on two different place hoping to get the same view.. i noe it is just impossible.. After so many years, I've failed to understand him.. Quarrels after Quarrels.. perhaps it had always been my fault.. trying to vent my anger on him.. trying to force my way on him.. trying to do everything thats irritates him.. Everything is my fault...
Now.. he has more things to do.. studies, friends and family.. while me.. i'm still trying hard to adapt to the style and work.. Each of us is undergoing tremendous stress, hoping to find a stabalizing point for my studies, friends, family and him.. but i guess i'll never be able to do so..
Perhaps it is time.. to leave each other alone.. to think and feel.. if we should be together.. No point having someone you love by ur side, giving him more stress and unhappiness.. Since there's not even basic communication between us.. Since we dun seems to be having the same goal and values in life.. perhaps we should be goin after our own dream.. In this way.. there will be less quarrels, unhappiness and tears...
A balance can be therefore easily strike between my studies, friends and family...
Now I really do agree with my professor... Life is Not like a box of chocolate which you'll never know what you're gonna get..
But Life is just like a Lollipop.. Coz it simply Sux
