Dainty Diva
Saturday, March 26, 2005
It is late at nite.. i off the lights in my room... my screen lightened up the whole but it look scary.. anyway... had been studying and studying... yet it seems nuthing get into the brain... why... whats happening to me this semester...
Things are happening so fast.. too fast for me to react... before i finish one thing... i had to go on to another... i need a break... i hate exams to be on consecutive 4 daes... it is tiring... i'm in deep shit this time... I started to wonder... if i'm unable to get into uni... what should i do... i had not plan a single thing.. except for goin into uni... i realli hope to get into one... please.. dun be so cruel towards me... i realli need the chance.. i realli need the luck...
Things seems to be getting fine between us... no more quarrels.. but i'm still unreasonable.. i dunno why... he seems to be giving in all the time... haiz... no time to think le... realli have to study hard.. i goin to fall this time...
WHY AM I STILL HERE???? WHY CAN"T I JUZ FALL INTO DEEP SLEEP... i'm tired... damn tired... but why... i juz can't get into my dreams.. haiz...
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Hmm... gals!!! thanks for ur care and concern.. but i'm alrite... guess i will just have to adapt and adopt.. coz... thats him...
When i read that entry again.. the feeling of sadness no longers there... But it gave me a desperate need for hope... hoping that he will just make the effort to understand how i really feel. It is time.. i reflect on myself... i guess i had been an unreasonable party as well... equally irritating.
had been trying hard to study.. but.. IB realli too taxing... i was cursing and swearing.. throwing temper at anyone who interupts me.. sorrie people... i'm too much... but the text book is too much as well.. hehe...
What am i doin here.. i too stress to sleep... believe me or not.. for the years in ngee ann i had been facing this problem.. haiz...
back to him.. back to my sadness... back to the problems... He had been busy... i had been trying to avoid... to avoid and minimise the chances of me getting sad..
Each time.. i got nothing to sae to him... trying hard to find topics.. i hate holding on to the phone like dummies... but.. i've got no choice... For the past few daes... the total time we have been on the phone is definitely less than 15 mins... I guess it's better...
Each time when i eating with him... we eat solemnly... i hate that kind of quietness... i juz can't stand it... it affects my appetite as well... i ate very little.. or even dun feel like eating.. i juz hate to face a guy who dun smile... it is cool... but it makes me feel as if... i'm making him sad.. i noe this isn't the case.. but it seems eating with me is such a chore..
On the other hand... i enjoy eating and lunch with my frienz... talking and gossiping.. but why.. the feeling is so diff.. i've eaten much much more with hanwei and jiayi they all... but with him.. i juz can't eat... i juz can't help but feel down...
watever it is... i guess things will come to an end when i started to go back to work... no time for tears, no time for dating... coz i guess he wun be free as well... perhaps it may spell the end of us.. So that he will be freed....
Sunday, March 20, 2005
I realli tried... to let u noe.. how sad i am.. but i've failed.. to let u understand how i feel...
.... i am speechless... too tired to explain.. too sick to tell u over and over again.. Why i get so upset.. even over small matter... like u folding stars for someone he had a crush on.. it is becoz i realli see the effort in someone's birthdae present.. but not on me... since the first dae we started.. perhaps till the last dae.. i wun be able to enjoy that kind of priviledge..
yes... till now.. at this moment.. when i asked him whether he noe the reason for me being so angry over this matter.. his ans.. is no... what more can i sae.. all i can do is expressing through my tears..
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Stucked in the room with a sleeping woodblock... he had been sleeping and sleeping.. now is noon le lahz... haiz...
Anyway.. went to watch him play billard last nite... he cock eye... hahaa.. i guess he realli tired le bah.. he went with two frien... heard from him that one live in newton, the other at bukit timah.. hahaa.. jiayi i realli tot can find one for u ... one for u one for weiling... joyce.. i guess u wun take fancy of either one.. haha...
Rich lehz... bukit timah lehz... but dun suit u lahz jiayi... i guess hanwei better lahz... better stick to him... hmm... din get to eat my dinner last nite.. coz the PIZZA... NO MORE PIZZA NEXT TIME... i was so full even till now... which is like almost 17 hours had past... kaoz... the pizza like made of cement, wun digest one.. haha... anyway... next time we find better hangouts lahz... haha..
xiang pei pei... u better go list out places where u got food to eat.. if not next time bring u go eat those meat buffet.. haha...
Anyway... i am too tired to study.. i need a rest.. i guess i will start tomolo or on mondae bah.. anyway i can't absorb.. better use the time to play.. and relax.. *ShRuGz*
Friday, March 18, 2005
Finally over.. i never see such a thick thick damn report before in my whole poly life... the report is onli 5 pages... and that damn appendices added up to almost 90 pages... amazing bah... coz... angeline had brought one stack of paper... and cherry brought another stack... according to angelyn, she bought more than 100 pieces.. and we still used some of cherry's and jess...
wah winner... haha... luckily printed in sch.. if not.. wah ex le... haha...
Anyway... glad that i've finished my project... and now.. exams coming.. we are graduating soon... i'm realli counting.. how many more times can we sit together gssiping, laughing, enjoying each other's accompany.. how many more days before we will go on our seperate ways, embarking onto a new life.. From a student to a working adult...
Time really flies... now.. i'm goin to be 20.. it seems so old... Now sandra is goin to get married.. i guess after poly... more friends will be getting married.. it seems that.. i'm growing up.. but i realli dun wish to... i still love my childhood daes... those daes when i got to use the excuse for being ignorant to escape from scoldings... I miss those daes which i sat in the classroom with my uniform.. I missed those times that classmates were so united in doin something... i missed those times in chalet when we turned the room upside down... I realli miss those happiness, innocence and joy...
i guess... they will be here to stay.. till the dae.. i'm old.. Perhaps till that time.. i will still be missing u all...
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
went with jiayi and hanwei for a wonderful dinner... hmm... had something nice lahz... at circuit road... a place which i hate... coz of some other guys i encountered... who lived near there... haiz...
Anyway i noe there's great food... so i went there to eat... had to put the past behind ya...
enjoy myself with the chicken wings... nice nice chicken wings.. i alwayz love chicken wings.. i guess i got grudges with chickens in my previous life bah... i go for their wings! haha...
Hmm... got home and start slogging on the analysis again... haiz... anyway... tomolo is weiling birthdae... erm... todae is weiling birthdae... happy birthdae weiling...
Back to keith... something i hate to let go but i did eventually... msg her mum... i guess her mum is quite unhappy that i told her that late... anyway... i realli hate to leave keith... a lonely kid with little happy childhood memories.. i dunno how he will be when he got another tutor... for definite.. he is there to stay in my memories... someone named keith... =)
NO LIFE !!!!!
i want to scream it out i wan to shout it loud.. shit... damn.. so many things to do, so many things to complete, so many things to rush..
Now... busy with those data... raw data and in the process of transforming them into information.. yes... damn.. i got a lousy team mate... a slacker... giving shit to other ppl... can u believe a person coming for project with a small handbag on saturdae.. coz she need to go out later while we are slogging... i dun mind she is there with small bag.. but is that she sit there and simply slept... without knowing what is happening... god... i feel like screaming at her and shouting at her... telling her to scram...
Todae... when for project.. this time she bought a big bag.. filled with documents she need to photocopy.. yesh.. wat can i sae... when ppl from other groups notice this as well... hmm... can't she use her brain... that we need computer to do report rite... damn... i dunno what to sae her i also dun wish to sae her... she was with us till ard 2 or 3 and went off as she said that she need to meet Miss Ng... later on she went off happily with her boss and leaving those shit work to us.. fine... i realli hate it i hate it...
she is not with us during analysis, she is also not with us when computing.. so she wun noe the meaning and logics to those statistics.. so... how can she help in the report which mainly consist and need those statistic... how.. how to assign task to her... i dun wan her shit work... give mi sth useful... damhn... put some effort in ur last project... will u... stop giving trouble to ur teammates...
please... juz take it as u are doin mi a favour
Sunday, March 13, 2005
yes.. i'm unhappy todae... coz i am tired... and i having cramps... u alwayz sae i weak... it is becoz u are not one... u wun noe the pain and the trouble... i'm being pulling a long face todae... coz i'm realli tired... u hasn't been sleeping well... it applies to me too... i'm busy as well...
U wun noe the kind of disappointment i had each dae.. i waited for so long.. finally to receive ur call at 10 after u watched ur tv... and u tell mi u are tired.. since u noe u are tired... can u juz tok to mi for a while and sacrifice some of ur tv time... am i so unimportant... todae as usual u tell mi u are tired... what can i sae.. since i week 7 daes... u are tired... what should i do..
When we are outside.. we walked like strangers.. we behave as if we are not even close friends... we din hold hands close.... we got nuthing to tok abt... we got no activities and i got no surprise... i got to decide everything as u alwayz use dunno as ur excuse... fine.. i am tired of making decision... will u juz stop asking mi where to have dinner... i had ran out of ideas.. i am tired...
Back at home... while i am watching tv.. u are playing ur game.. can u juz stop playing ur bloody game and juz let mi lay in ur arms.. let mi feel that u do care for mi... that's what i need.. is it so difficult for u to juz sit beside me... for the past few months... u have been into maplestory... juz leaving mi alone watching tv... do u noe how sad it is... i am juz nothing compared to the game.. am i right?
U have come across my blog for so many times... but i noe... it had never cross ur mind to take note of the address and check on it to noe more abt mi... it juz require so little effort... why dun u juz add to ur favourite and check on it... if this small little things u can't even bother to do it.. so.. should i sae i'm insensitive or should i sae u dun even care abt me...
Looking ard me... every couple seems to be having sweet times and happy moments.. and u ask urself... what have u given me... i juz need simple care and concern... i juz need ur hug... i juz need ur time... is it juz so difficult... if it is... let me noe... let mi noe early u are not the one for me.. let mi get prepared to cry badly for the last time.. let memories stay in my head.. let mi smile when i look back... stop adding flaws and tears to it... let me remember the happy me when i am with u....
Saturday, March 12, 2005
when to sch early in the morning... started with the SPSS.. hmm... it juz sux.. haha... anyway... got to sort out some of the things.. then managed to start analysing... yeah... need to go to sch on mondae... had booked the room from 10 to 8.. goin to camp there i guess..
After that actually wanted to go IT fair straight.. but adrian tell mi to go hme first... he at first wanted to drive there.. then.. i guess his dad need the car bah... so in the end we still go there by MRT... tell him dun be so lazy le.. take MRT... haiz... waste so much time... not much time for mi to go ard see see...
Anyway... while i am shopping ard... i watched couples holding hands.. whispering to each other... smiling sweetly.. their hands are held tightly together.. while mi and him are walking wide apart... even when we are holding hands.. is juz like hooked on... i dunno... for the whole dae.. i'm wondering... why are we like that.. haiz.. no answer to it..
i dun wan to think... i juz wonder how long can this vunderable relationship last....
Yes it's sweet...
While goin back home todae.. saw a sweet young couple todae.. on the bus.. right in front of me.. the ger lying on in the guys arm.. sick and feverish... the way she smile at him, assuring him that she is alrite... the worried look the guy had.. the guy put his arm around her shoulders, and then ard her neck with his palm stroking her face gently... it is juz so sweet.. how i wish he will be like him... anyway... everyone is special..
Hmm... watched the 9pm show... is nice.. so sweet... so romantic but i guess that will only happen in the tv series... hmm.. i dunno why.. juz no appeitite to eat... nuthing sweet this few weeks... nothing romantic... nothing memorable... no honeymoon period..
That's the real reason for throwing temper.. for being unreasonable... things are just so different..
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Had my presentation early in the morning at 8.. we are the first group to go... i knew the flash sux. it realli did... the tutors and Mr anderson commented alot... yeah.. a lot of changes... it may sound simple changes for them... but to me... i will need to once again... redo the scenes... fine... i'm realli fine with it... coz i am immued...
Anyway... working with someone who alwayz think he is right sux... the feeling realli sux... so sucky that i almost goin to scream my heads off.. watever it is... juz dun let me get a C.. i juz hope to get into a uni.. thats all... i dunno why.. i realli got this bad feeling that i wun be able to get in.. i hate it..
I started to think of many things... whether my dad will be dissappointed to noe tat.. whether i will be able to get a job.. and many things else including him... haiz.. things realli sux.. i realli regretted for not entering jc... I realli praying hard.. juz let me get into the uni please.....
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
After days of projects... i'm dying seriously lacked of sleep as well as care... He seems to be busy... In a dae... the only time we tok is in the night after his tv programmes.. yesh.. tat shows how impt i am to him... Every morning and afternoon.. i kept looking at my hp.. hoping that it will juz ring.. i juz hope to get a msg.. to show he still remember me.. he is too busy... thats the reason for my dissapointment each time... But i juz dun understand... why can't he juz give me a call in the evening when he is free.. juz spare some of his tv time on me... a msg will do... is that so difficult??
Each nite at 10.. after his show.. he called... toked for less than 10 mins.. he said he was tired... i juz hate the way he tok to mi over the phone... as time goes... guys are no longer sweet... they are hurting us.. so painful that my heart cries for help... too much for me to bear mentally...
I admit i sound sad.. tired.. over the phone.. i juz feel so stressed up and tired... i juz need some care from him... yet he will juz sae.. " since u busy then i dun disturb u.. bye.." If this is call boyfriend... i guess my boy-friends are much better... at least they listen to me when i need a listening ear..
I'm sick... vomited for afew times within 2 hours... feeling hot and terrible... called him.. he was watching tv... oh ya... no time to tok to me.. told me he was tired... he need sleep... yet...
What can i sae? Anyway.. ralli feeling terrible... went to see a doc... came back he was asleep... i realli hate to have this kind of bf... someone who dun even bother to check out how am i... i had enough... i truely had enough...
Called him he was asleep... good job... some one who dun care for mi dun fit to be my boyfrien...
When he read this message of mine.. can he sense i'm crying?? tears rolling down my cheeks.. heart breaking into pieces.. love is dying... we are drifting...
Perhaps i'm the one asking for too much... but all this isn't the simpliest thing a ger wanted from her bf? Am i asking too much....???
