Dainty Diva
Monday, May 30, 2005
..Tired Tired Tired..
He is alwayz tired.. he is always sleepy.. When can he spare sometime to know what i wan and where i would like to go... haiz.. I guess i need to see the doc soon.. my eyes are becoming panda eyes.. red and swollen.. with heavy eyebag... at the tip of my eyes... dunno why also... i need to get rid of them before my graduation to ensure that i have nice nice photo for my graduation..
i need to see doc.. i need to buy blazar.. i may need a new laptop.. so much things.. but no money.. haiz.. sianz... i need more off dae.. one off dae isn't enough.. i realli need to find one office job... anyone got any recommendation?? part time office job???
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Something is lost.. Something is missing.. with the time..
As time goes.. as time past by me.. i suddenly feel that i had lost many many things... I had no more time with my friends.. no more time with my family.. Many things are out of my reach.. they seems to be placing up high on the shelve.. yet i'm too short to reach them..
Todae is my off dae.. finally one off dae after 15 daes of work.. But todae.. i wanted to go no where.. but to stay at home.. i wanted to be alone.. i wanted to meet up with my friends.. i wanted to go out with my family... i wanted to do many things.. yet.. my brain refuse to do what i should do.. instead, insisting on things it wishes to do..
Yesterade was 28th.. Went to sentosa in the night after my work, after our dinner at fish & co. I juz feel sth is missing.. sth is lost.. there is communication breakdown... Many things.. i wanted to talk about.. yet i always shut up after a word or two.. dunno how to continue.. can't find words to describe.. to tel him what i'm thinking..
I need many things now... friendship, kinship, and love..
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
i'm a sick pig... keep getting sick.. firstly is becoz i got fever... then i got to vomit.. haiz... Then.. these few daes.. i came home early and slept early.. actually wanted to wait for adrian to be home.. yet i fell asleep while waiting... even handphone can't wake me up...
Todae i'm home early again.. promotion hasn't been good... haiz... my sales sux... my sales had neer been so bad before.. i'm realli disappointed with myself... anyway... my eyes seems to be getting better... that pus came out... but my lower eye lashes pores are still infected... doesn't seems to be getting better... damn...
I realli hope to have a getr away by goin for holidae... i wanted to go hong kong... or bangkok... find somewhere i can shop... haiz... i need a break!!!!!
Friday, May 20, 2005
i'm super bloody tired.. after a row of 4 morning shift... which ended up staying for full shift... damn.. anyway.. went to Bar None for promotion... juz inside marriot... got free drinks... and then.. my colleagues they all are juz puffing away in their cigarattes and keep telling me to take one.... I am determined... so i din touch them... yet i juz can't stop drinking.. i din dance.. it's more like a pub than a disco... anyway.. i drank quite a lot....
I drank 4 bottle of asashi.. then almost 3/4 cup of johnny walker on rock... then i drank johnny walker mix with coke... ehh... i am drunk... not very but i am.. haha.. juz that i still able to make my way home... now my pillow still have the smell... so smelly... coz i din bath and went to bed..
Todae woke up with a heavy head.. went to work... move those stock... set up the counter.. wah... if the dae before work u are drunk.. i guess better dun report for work.. i fell down again... kaoz... my head already pain... after that even more pain!!!!!!
Anyway... my sales are bad really bad... diaoz... i goin to get it from my boss... haiz... please bless me with lotsa luck.. i need them...
Monday, May 16, 2005
he's back in camp..
I was quite busy for todae.. or rather.. very busy for the dae.. coz tangs is having sales and my sales is alright lahz... haiz... but i really miss him.. diaoz... dunno when i become so mushy.. anyway.. it's true...
Got more and more stock coming in... more and more blueblackz on my body.. i was so sick and tired of them.. endless work to do... No more off daes for the rest of the month.. wat the sh**... goin to have promotion soon... i will be busy.. but i need the money.. hehe..
Wonder if my friends will read this.. i miss porkies.. i miss my brother huiling... i miss my group of friends... can we meet up some dae... juz find a place to sit down and talk... no shopping and walking... hehe...
- I'm Alone.. I'm Lovesick -
Sunday, May 15, 2005
had some time with him before he actually booked in.. so used to have him toking to me.. waiting for me after work.. bringing me for supper... now he actually have to stay in.. coz his course is over... Oh shit.. why do i feel so sad... as if he will be gone for ages.. hmm... juz sad...
Last nite.. spend wonderful time with him, Kelvin, michael, and larry... funnie bunch of friends adrian got... ahhaa... so cute and funnie... brighten up my dae man.. haha.. anyway we went to watch the horror movie.. dunno about a house one.. scare my wits out of me... i almost climbed onto Adrian... i'm serious... haha... but it's a good movie... AND a horror movie in the late midnight... All thanks to larry...
We got to Mr Bean... sat down, tok and chatted.. then later Adrian sent them home.. fell asleep at his house.. woke up in the late morning.. then had a dinner with his family before he setting off for camp.. his parents are goin for holidaes again.. and in the midst of the dinner.. his dad asked me if i want to join them for hong kong trip during july... i dunno how to ans.. I'm happy that they actually ask me along coz.. i really din expect that.. but isn't it weird for me to join ppl's family tour... i will be a spoiler by then... hmm.. see how things goes.. but i guess he is keen in goin... so we shall forget abt our holidae to malaysia or somewhere.. haiz.. i thought i will be able to celebrate my early birthdae overseas... FAT HOPE...
Looking forward to next weekend... i noe he will be tired... so am i... are we able to cope with this kind of life???
Saturday, May 14, 2005
juz reached home from the supper with jiayi and hanwei... actually i was too tired to go out.. yet in the end.. i guess i should meet up with my friends le.. coz i will be having promotions soon.. trying to find time avaliable to meet many many people... huiling, qiujin, weiling, joyce, sandra, judy, weixiang, yuling, dorothy... etc etc.. too many ppl to be named... but i guess i realli wun have time for all of them... diaoz..
My sales is good todae.. but is tiring... i had been packing and unpacking stock for ar least 3 hours in the afternoon as new stocks are coming.. the display need to be changed.. stock need to be kept.. FOC need to be returned... counter need to be cleaned.. storeroom need to be packed.. paperwork need to be done... so many so many things to do.. so.. i'm getting short tempered these few daes..
Adrian had went out with his friens.. so i went out with mine too.. in the end.. he reached home earlier than me.. hehe.. anyway.. at the rocher beancurd there.. i saw my cousins... hehe.. and my niece.. and my sweet pies.. the twins and my niece plus my nephew!!! hehe... somehow expected that they will be there... anyway... tok abt many things with hanwei and jiayi...
I can sense... jiayi is unhappy... not her real self... cheer up ger... work is like that.. it had alwayz been shitty... look on the brighter side... hehe... take care ppl.. and do drop me a msg to show that u have been here... hehe.. =)
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
I'm so angry.. with everything... i dunno why.. i kept losing my temper todae.. I was so tired that i woke up onli at abt 12.. reach there at abt 130... put on the uniform and it realli sux.. tot i will be hugging a dinosaur egg home todae.. PRADA... stupid perfume...
Went to eat maggie mee for my lunch and ate a chicken wing.. hmm... not bad lahz... then after dat lunch.. i onli left with 2 bucks in my wallet... the 30 bucks i got in the bank need to pay for my handphone billl... so.. i still need money to top up my farecard.. i still money to eat... this and that.. i dun dare to ask my mum for anymore money... coz she already spent quite a sum on my eye.. haiz.. i need money... where the fuck i can get them... damn...
this weekend i goin to have my off daes... he is not certain if he is free.. not sure if he is able to accompany me.. dun even noe if i will be able to meet him.. i alwayz tot i can look forward to this weekend off dae.. but it dun seems to be a good time.. I sick of everything.. about sales.. about me.. about my everything...
Can i juz bid goodbye to my bad luck? Let me have better sales before i got sacked.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Todae is Mother's dae.. but sales is realli bad.. hmm... anyway.. got some flowers for my mum.. actualli wanted to get some for adrian's mum.. but home delivery requires purchases of at least 88 bucks.. hmm.. anyway i also dun have so much money.. so forget it.. juz simply msg his mum happy mother's day on the handphone.
As for my auntie.. i din get the chance to go over to wish her happy mother's dae.. Hmm.. My second mother.. hehe.. realli too busy with work.. Perhaps i shall go over tomolo morning..
went out with Adrian and his friends last nite.. Went Wisma to have a drink.. the pizza look nice but we din eat it.. perhaps will eat it some other dae... after which we went to have roti prata.. then the blur adrian.. din even recognise his poly classmate.... He was just sitting beside him.. =_=""
Then we went over to cine for a movie.. so long since i watch a mid night show with adrian without him sleeping in the cinema.. hehe.. Are we there yet? - the title of the movie.. nice and funnie.. haha... luff till my head goin to drop... after the show.. sae the siao ger.. look so sick.. haha.. Stupid huiling.. then i look at the person beside her.. diaoz.. Her 20.. hmm.. din get a close look at him.. it's too dark anyway.. and she actualli msg me sth.. telling me that i look happy then..
Reach home at ard 4... hmm.. was quite tired.. but i insisted on washing my hair.. if not i wun be able to fall asleep.. then .. i waited and waited for my hair to dry.. wait till ard 5 plus bah.. then fall asleep and wake up at 8.. wah.. it was raining so heavily.. wat a nice dae to sleep in.. too bad got to work... sianz...
Anyway.. was really hungry when i got home todae.. Ate a bowl of maggie mee with veg and egg.. 3 chicken wings.. half pack of jack and jill potato chips.. hehe.. woah.. thats alot.. hehe..
Friday, May 06, 2005
was alright at work.. just time my hands are dry.. haha.. dry till my skin crack abit when i move the cartons todae.. was realli bad at work.. sales are bad.. sianz sianz.. He came to fetch me home todae.. he grew fatter. hehe.. i still remember the time when he juz entered poly.. hehe.. fit and he look so nice in tight fit shirt.. hehee.. missed the six pec he has..
Hmm.. i still remember those times in guides.. hehe.. somehow those memories are still fresh in my head.. hmm... love those time.. hehe... missed the sunburn Adrian with red red nose and cheeks.. hehe..
Anyway... i guess i really got attitude prob. serious attitude prob.. coz i alwayz get sad when he went out with his friends over the weekend.. hmm.. sometimes i hope he can juz bring me along when he watches movie with his friens.. but i guess i will be a parasite by then.. *SmilEz*
Thursday, May 05, 2005
..ate the antibiotics.. vomitted all the things i ate.. saw those bits of hotdogs and bread in the toliet bowl.. eee.. ER XIN.. was realli feeling unwell after the antibiotics.. i guess it's strong for me.. haiz.. called the doc.. he said that he will give me another antibiotics to try.. does that mean that i will have to spend another 50 bucks on the medicine? i realli got no more money left le... Haiz.. in that case i will choose to stay on with my old medicine..
Went for supper with him.. dunno why.. i juz feel so unloved with him.. i juz couldn't help but throwing temper at him.. i really feel that he dun understand me and my situations at all.. the same thing applies to me.. i dun understand and dunno what he has been doin as well.. We din even have proper time to tok on phone.. mondae to fri.. he woke up early.. telling me he was tired.. then sat... he went out with his friends.. Sundae.. he told me he has to work tomolo so he need to sleep early.. so when will u have time to juz listen to me..
As time past.. there are more and more things which i did not tell him.. no chance and no mood to tell him.. things need to be linked from one to another.. i need to tell him many many things.. which i juz refuse to tell him mentally.. I juz couldn't find myself telling him all those things.. i guess there is a communication breakdown between us..
Now.. i juz feel distant.. No more time to be spend alone.. the no of times he went movie with friends exceeded the no of times we went for movie for the whole half year.. so.. are we still known as couple? Sometimes.. when i look into wanqi's diary.. i really envy her.. for all those romantic and quality time they spent together.. staying over at her bf house.. hanging out with her bf friends.. I dun ask for more.. all i wan is juz spend time with him alone.. let me rest in his arms.. let me feel supported.. let me feel loved.. But it is the most difficult thing for him to do..
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
I din go for the op... the doc sae no pt doin it as i keep having them.. i got another two new ones at the side of my eyes.. oh god... can i juz let them disappear... i realli look ugly with them... haiz... i miss my contact lens.. i miss them so much... i would like to shop ard with contact lens on.. putting on pretty make ups..
Celebrated my cousin birthdae... got to eat plenty of things... they mentioned abt adrian.. they wanted to meet him.. wat can i sae.. since adrian isn't keen to meet up with my family.. i realli wonder.. how long can we last.. haiz.. back to the same old question..
i got my off dae todae.. but i guess i should be goin for the minor op on my eyes again.. i spent so much on my eyes yet it seems not recovering.. why?? i will go ask the doc and i guess i will raise my voice le.. coz i'm realli pissed off le...
Got to tok to jiayi and hanwei over the phone.. nuthing much to tok.. all i can sae is i faces many unhappiness over my work.. i dunno how to tell them.. i dun even wish to mention to Adrian let alone them.. I alwayz keep things to myself.. that's me..
My hand have rashes.. my hands are getting dry, skin are peeling off.. it hurts... i got hurt over and over again.. and now.. for the off dae.. i got fever.. shit.. all i can sae is that.. i'm juz unlucky.. no matter if it's work or personal life..
Juz woke up.. wanted to msg him.. yet for this time.. i guess i shouldn't.. I really shouldn't.. Coz i knew he wun reply.. Goin to be busy for the next 1 month plus.. coz i have endless promotions.. My manager had said.. it is time for me to work hard.. coz i really need the money.. for my fees.. for my life.. and even for my future..
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
One dae.. one saturdae nite.. i was alone on my bed.. hugging my pillow.. letting tears to fall.. letting my thoughts to run wild.. in any direction it wish to.. wondering if it is time.. for me to make a decision..
Since we both are unhappy.. i guess we should part.. it will be better.. for the both of us.. to lead a seperate carefree life.. we came together and we parted.. this may be the 3rd time, for the relationship to end.. we have started.. we have ended.. why.. i asked myself.. yet i juz couldn't find an answer... some people define true love as breaking up and patching up again as both of them know that they can't do without the other.. They learnt how to love, care and share, capable of bringing the relationship to a further stage.. be it engagement or marriage.
But for us.. i dunno if thats the real reason.. I'm also dun wish to think... I took up my handphone.. i bear with the pain to msg him 'Let's breakup'.. simple yet it hurts me badly.. but i dunno abt him.. i wanted to off my handphone for the next few daes.. rejecting his call.. avoiding him.. in the end i still picked up his call.. i dunno why...
He gave me promises.. high hopes again.. but i'm afraid of heights.. coz it really hurts and frightening to fall from great height.. feeling hopeles..
He was busy.. he alwayz was.. so am i.. what if both of us are busy.. what if both of us make no effort to continue the relationship.. will it still goes on.. To me.. Love is juz like a car.. it need fuel to run.. it need maintainance to last.. it need love and passion to make sure.. the car is still as beautiful as the first dae it was borned..
= Do you get me? =
..What the hell is wrong with me..
i got very very grumpy todae.. complaining about every little things.. i hate to try to put in some effort in msging him even i'm busy.. but i dun think i got appreciated.. i got no reply.. i even start to worry... i must be mad.. why should i worry.. for someone who dun care.. yeah i must be too busy till i'm out of my mind...
Logged onto the net.. i dun care about any other things.. i accepted the SMU.. at least it's somewhere near my house.. i dun give a damn abt NTU.. i tot of goin NTU is all becoz of him.. but now.. i guess.. if we meant to be part.. we will eventually..
