Dainty Diva
Sunday, April 30, 2006
I'm so proud of myself!!!! I'm staying at home... doin everything i wanted to do... staying at home alone without whining and grumbling and complaining that i am sianz!!! hahaa
Cooked my own lunch and dinner... yummy luncheon meat!! i decided to go healthy so, i did not add in any oil when cooking my luncheon meat.. and guess what... the stupid luncheon meat is so oily.... when i get it out of the pan, it is still dripping with oil!!!!! oh my god... i cannot imagine what will happen when my mum added so much oil each time she cook luncheon meat.. yucks...
anyway.. i ate so much fruits, tomatoes, milk, bread.... my parents are determined to get me back to the healthy diet i used to have... so what if they stock the whole fridge with fruits, milk and vegetables, i'm still able to get myself ice creams and kit kats.. hahaha... I'm crazy over chocolates, esp kit kats!!! i love them!!!! hahaa...
lalallaaaaa.... i wan to go bangkok!!! shoppping!!!! i'm so excited that i'm actually drawing up a list on the various places to shop, eat, spa and relax!! hahaa... i'm so excited... My mind is set.. i wan to go bangkok!!! hehee....
Saturday, April 29, 2006
okie...i've tidied up my rooom... and here are the photos.... i'm lazy to upload the photos... but since i'm so free now.. i shall upload them!!!
lallaaalaa.... seeems nice bahz.... i'm sooooo bored... i guess everyone on earth can see that i am really so free and bored that i keep blogging... haiz..
juz went thru my msn list... saw weiling's nick... db07... it stands for david beckham and the no. for david backham back in Manutd was 07.. well... on my msn, it states, "Last seen online, 11/2/06, 5.57pm, 76 days, 21 hours, 46 minutes ago" well... her brother actually logged on her msn after she passed away on 3/2/06... somehow.. i realise... time flies... doin projects, massaging, happy moments, laughters.. it had been quite some time since i heard her laughters, see her smiles, listening to her crap, suaning her abt everything and yet she can juz take all criticism with a smile... everyone misses her... i really hope that she is happy... As long as she is happy.. everyone will be happy for her... isn't that what she alwayz say, 你开心就好！
ger.. remember that u still owe me a birthday wish... i wan u to say happy 21st birthday to me... i'll be waiting for u in my dreams... it's not hard for u to find me in dreams since i'm alwayz dreaming when i'm asleep.. dun try to find excuses....
We miss u...
Alone in the room, listening to the ongoin music, chatting with bren from time to time... time flies.. i'm now in my room for more than 9 hours.. and i'm sick of the four walls... but still... i manage to survive... i manage to find things to talk with bren and to surf ard...
Sometimes i really love to be alone like this.... doin my own things.. i can think about all things i hope to remember... those happy moments, those people who made a difference to my life... Now come to think of it.. i'm much quieter... i dun talk... when i am with them... maybe i'm lost for words.. maybe there are no longer common topics.. maybe no one is interested in my life.. coz i'm leading a very routine life.. all i can do is to complain abt my school.. and really... no close frien from my poly is in SMU now... *shrugz* i dunno... i dunno how to communicate with ppl...
I no longer noe how to communicate with my parents.. no longer noe the way to communicate with porkies.. i kept quiet.. many times, i dunno what they are talking abt... maybe i'm not making the effort to tok to them.. Can anyone see that i'm actually a very quiet person who seriously dunno how to communicate well with ppl... i dun talk i dun smile.. not becoz i'm unhappy.. is becoz that's me... i'm trying.. to find ways to communicate with ppl... i noe i can't alwayz shut myself in the room... behind the doors... haiz...
It's now morning... i'm thinking of my BK breakfast.. i'm hungry... haiz...
Friday, April 28, 2006
today not a good day... not for me, not for louis... anyway... at least everything is alrite now... oh ya... when i was on my way home, i saw rainbow... long time since i last seen one.. beautiful... the sky is so beautiful today... it would be nice if we are at the beach... nice...
Louis had went off to meet his friends.. hope he will enjoy himself... glad to see him smile again... Phew.. haha...
huiling juz called me... she wants her dinner.. and i hasn't take mine too.. but is like she wan to go JALAN KAYU... wah... how to go!! Normally ppl drive me there for supper.. i wun noe how to go there.. she say take cab... erm.. my wallet left with 10 bucks... and ATMs left with 1 buck... well well... i'm sorry huiling.. but i really no money to go hahaa... somemore my parents not at home.. no money...
Haiz... tomolo is saturday.. and i haven even get to work.. shit...i need money... urgently...
Peggy said that she went gym yesterday... i wan to go gym too... one day i shall go to SMU's gym... hurmp!!! make my school fees worthwhile... lalalalaa
Thursday, April 27, 2006
i'm forcing myself to smile.. to take it as though nothing has happen... Everything is not goin smoothly.. i wan job.. i wan work..i wan money.. i wan to go shopping...
I wan to meet up with him.. i wan to spend some memorable times together.. i want to do so many things.. to make full use of my hols... but apparently, i can''t find a decentjob.. i can't get money... i din get to go anywhere.. i'm having a lousy hols... i''m so angry with myself.. so disappointed with everything...
Everything is screwed...
can everyone see that i'm so bored....... i'm lazing ard at home... goin round and round in my room trying to find things to do... haiz... i hate lonelinesss... and i'm blogging and blogging... i've blogged so many entries... shit.... haiz... i'm so lonely... sianz...
Argh... i dunno what i wan.. i'm complaining boring when i'm at home.. i'm complaining tired when i'm outside and at work.. haiz... i'm a weirdo.. i'm feeling down.. very very down... haiz...
i'm so bored that i did so many online test thingy... here are the results.. wonder if they are true...
Your Birthdate: July 12
You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame.
You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them.
Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing.
You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship.
Your strength: Your charm
Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics
Your power color: Indigo
Your power symbol: Four leaf clover
Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating
You're not ready to go walking down the aisle.
But you may be ready in a couple of years.
You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment.
And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.
Your Power Color Is Blue
Relationships and feelngs are the most important things to you.
You are empathetic and accepting - and good at avoiding conflict.
If someone close to you is in pain, it makes you hurt as well.
You try to heal the ones you love with your kind and open heart.
As promised.... i've cleared my drawers... compiled all my letters and greeting cards from all of my friends... i nearly forgotten how many ppl love me.... out of so many letters and greeting cards... Huiling Top the list... almost 70% of the stuff are from her... every thing she send me will be put in this special folder hahaha.... and i love her!!!! now i realise how lousy i am as her friend... i'm sorry girl... i will keep my promise.. i will go find u for lunch... not that i've forgotten abt it.. juz that i'm clearing my room... *excuses* hahaaa.... i will go find u!!!
Anyway... after huiling... Weichuan came second.. every year since i'm 13 years old i think, i will get greeting cards, birthday cards... in one of these birthday cards, i came across sth special!! hahaa... he said that he was sorry for not being abt to get brown jacket i like... hahaa... i dun even remember lahz!!! hahaha... he said he owe me one... hhahaaa... so funnie!!! Anyway.. weichuan is one of the person who gave me expensive birthday presentz in my secondary school life... CDs.. many many CDs... hahaha... and there are some of the things i forgotten.. i choose to forget... i HELP U SAVE UR FACE... hahaa... anyway.. nice to have him as my friend... OOhz... he mentioned sth.. hahaa.. he said that since he couldn't get the jacket i wanted.. i can buy it and give him the receipt, or he tot he wan to attach a cashcard inside the birthday card, or even cash...hahaha... he then said that i would most prob throw those cash back at him... ahhaa.. yes i will.. haha.. that's me... hahahaa...
Now i remember those wonderful times i had in AMkss.. how lame is huiling.. how hungry i was when waiting for huiling, peg and dorothy for recess.. hahaa.. how deliciious was the chicken rice but i seriously dun like chicken rice.. while dorothy love it.. hahaa... Ohz!!! the CAI FAN.. hahaa.. we alwayz queue up for that rice with curry.... hahhaa.... anyway... those are really beautiful memories...
In that stack of cards.. there's this tissue thingy... is given by huiling.. she wrote a letter in diary formatt from the day she started work till the day she went for her product design orientation in Tp.. sweet,... now i realise that i've neglected her... very very sorry....
besides that.. i saw this card.. from weiling and jinhui.. a beautiful card... with a Tb12 group photo taken in the chalet... thankew... another card given to me by Tb12 on my 17th birthday.. the very first time we celebrated my birthday in the macdonalds.. the first gift i received from all of them... my adidas sneakers.. i remembered i kissed them... i guess so.. hahaa... anyway... i love them... everyone of them...
Birthday wishes and good bye messages from my class 4/1 friends, from 2/4 friends, from my close best friends, from my guides, porkies, tb12.... everything is wonderful... thankew... i've been lazing around, forgetting i was once loved by so many ppl....
once again.. i threw away another 2 diaries... my unhappiness and tears... hoping that i will forget the unhappiness... yes i feel happier... although today didn't started off good... Afterall, i am loved.. and once loved by so many ppl....
woke up from time to time.. din get a good sleep.. which results in my body aches... since i've got so much time today... maybe i should try to tidy up the drawers of my side table... they are full of crapz... but before that i guess i should go into a deep deep sleep first.. coz i'm tired and moody... perhaps after a short rest, i will be as smiley as before... but it's hard...
i need to go down to orchard to do my paperwork and give my punchcard for the luxasia thingy... if not i would have no pay... i need to find ppl to go down with me... huiling is grounded... i guess i should make a trip down tomolo after my work... Louis would most probably sleeping at that time... haiz... forget it.. i can be independent.. like i used to be...
Oh well... i've visited Jacq's site and saw the pig... nice... cute... let me remind me of porkies... so i will name the pig porkies... please be friendly and feed him food!!! hahaha...
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Oh no... i took sooo loong to tidy up half of the cupboard... haiz... i cleared my books, encyclopedia, my merchant of venice... i dunno what is the Shakespeare doin in my cupboard.. anyway.. its out of my cupboard le...
Oh ya... found many interesting things... some birthday present given by felicia, veronica, kuanhorng, and many others.. a milk bottle and a note.. hahaa... anyway... sweet.... then.. i realised i've received many folded stars from many of them.. love peas, notes, letters, photos... i kept one or 2.. and i've threw the others away... Dunno why.. i dun feel the pain when throwing them away... well... i'm cold blooded...
Then.. i flipped thru those photos... from poly year 1 to year 3.. from we first met each other.. till the day we part... everything is beautiful... and she is beautiful... the five of us.. almost everyone of us love food.. we are gluttons.. we are not like some of the girls who will say full after eating half of our food... hahaa... it's nice to meet all of them.. it is nice to see the transformation of a littlle innocent girl to a beautiful swan... now she will alwayz stay pretty... as the pretty weiling...
i feeel pain in my lungs when i breathe... i dunno why.. pain...
Oopz... hungry now!!! i guess it's time for me to go over my auntie house for dinner le bah...
anyway.. this time, my butter fingers broke another thing... haiz... luckily it was not my perfume.. if not i will cry!!!!
Argh.. i think i shall clear my textbooks tomolo... damn.. hate them to the core... my room are full of junks.. i dunno why is my mum keeping my o level books... and she wanted to throw my poly notes away... stupid.... really.... argh... my poly notes are Guru notes... my O level books are junks... why can't she understand..... 对牛弹琴
Today is a boring day, i actually scheduled today to clear my room... oh well... I'm lazybones hahaa... so i on my com.. sat on my chair and refuse to move... i was looking at my room to see if i can shift my things to make place for the mirror and my cosmetics stuff... Nah.. no space..
I guess i should be more organized and be clean... hahaa... my room is in a mess.. and i hope that by tomolo. it will be "was" hahaha... but i think it will still be messy... anyway.. too many of my parents' stuff in my room.... my mum got worried that i will shift her things and came into my room.. well.. first time i told her what i wan to do... second time.. i repeated myself raising my voice... third time i couldn't control myself but shout at her... the fourth time.. i slammed the door on her face and lock the door... generation gap.. indeed... there is a big big gap...i juz can't communicate with her.. i dunno is it becoz my chinese is too chim.. or she is juz plain stupid... i put it in simple chinese... i put it in teochew.. but the idea juz couldn't get communicated... wat the helll... Fine fine fine... i will do it my way... i really wan to move out of the house ASAP...
Anyway... talking abt cleanliness, i went supper with louis and there were these two women who wiped the chairs repeatedly with tissues... before settling down, they still call the coffeeshop uncle to use the cloth to clean the table.. they took like 10 mins to choose the chairs, clean the chairs, clean the tables, wash their hands and even before we left, they are still not settled down... Louis said that he will dump me if i become like them.. hahaa.. But it is impossible.. coz i'm so "dirty" and lazy... i dun mind sitting on the floor... i throw my clothes ard... leave my things lying everywhere...Louis is the one who walk behind me and pick up things and help me fold my things... hahahaa... thankew darling!!! hahaa
i will start to pack my things at 3.30pm... hahahaa.... argh... raining and raining... what a nice day to sleep in... i wan to go bangkok... i really really wan to go bangkok... =(
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
今早，当我在上班的路上，我身后传来了耳熟能详的歌－珊湖海。这首歌勾起了悲伤的回忆，突然间心也痛了起来。这时的我已热泪盈眶，眼泪不停地在眼眶里打转，心不停地隐隐作痛。曾经美好的时光，顿时成为了美好回忆。。。永恒的回忆。。。
这时的我才发现，我从没接受过这个事实。每当我想起她，我依然觉得她还在，还在那儿不停地笑着。她的笑声不听地在我耳边响着，她的天真无邪，她那宽大的心胸， 我都没好好地珍惜。从那天起，眼泪不知为何会掉，枕头不知为何会湿。每当我梦醒过来时，心都会一阵一阵地痛，因为这时的我才发现，梦醒了，她也走了。。。
Monday, April 24, 2006
yeah huiling.. hahahaa... i still remmeber that pic lahz.. but both pic taken using my camera lehz!!!! next time tell LV to bring!! her camera better ahhaaa.... yeah yeah... i miss goin out with u all too haha...
here are my fav pics !!!! hhahaaa
heheee..... i quit my job@!!!! hahaa... hoooray!! i feel so relaxed now hehee....
Sunday, April 23, 2006
very much wanted to sleep.. but i can't get to sleep.. many unlucky stuff happened today... too much for me to bear.. i'm tired... very tired... but i juz can't sleep.. too many things on my mind.. i'm in a guessing game...
1. I've got a deep deep cut on my thumb... the bleeding went on and off since 7pm.. now it started to bleed again...
2. I've got no sales for 3 days... it's not a normal blow... it's a big big blow to me.. and i'm trying hard to accept it.. Once, i'm so proud of myself to say that i'm one of the top sales personnel.. and now this thing happen.. who can understand how i feel? i starting to doubt myself.. doubt my ability and capability. It's something harsh on me.. very very harsh.. I'm still smiling.. but my heart is not...
3. i've got serious and painful cramps... and its something that man never never understand how terrible it can be,... i was having cramps.. and i was on my feet for 7 hours... my feet was on my heels for 7 hours.. and my feet and my cramps came together at the same time for 7 hours... who can understand how it feels... who can understand how it feel when u are feeling very very terrible and yet have to stand up and smile at customers...
4. Had a bad bad day today.. what i looking forward to.. din end happily... after a hard day work.. all i get is more problems and more trouble... how does it feel... it's painful and torturing.. please appreciate what i did.. i tried to bear with all those pain and unhappiness i experienced at work.. i smiled at u, i joked with u.. i did all i can not to show my tiredness and unhappiness.. yet things turned out this way... who will understand how i feel....
who would understand how i feel when all came to me in a day... who on earth will be able to take all these nonsense without tears and whines... i'm tired.. i'm collapsing very soon... mentally and physically....
Friday, April 21, 2006
hmm... today kelvin, my ex manager came to find me... i really feel that i like to work under him... coz he is more generous with the incentive and commission... besides, he is more flelxible and open for negotiation.... i juz feel better when i work under him.. he asked if i wan to go over to the cosmetic side.. but i juz feel sick of retail work.. i guess i need to get some decent office jobs... and i'm putting my eyes at risk if i continue to work there.. coz my eyes are getting more and more sore as time goes..
No sales today again... fantastic... i've got no sales for consecutive 2 days;... i feel so so pissed... but i'm quitting soon..
i need more time for myself and friends.. i love brenda.. coz she got me a job.. muackz!!!!
Thursday, April 20, 2006
started work... and guess i should be ending it soon... i'm damn damn pissed...
First time in 5 years of my time in luxasia that i got this kind of promotion... i eat an egg todae... FIRST time i eat egg... kaoz.. not that i din promote.. is that.. i noe with the kind of mechanics and free gift... it wun get me any sales... i hate it...
The worst thing is that there's this another ger working in the same promotion as me.. she is paid 6 per hour while i'm paid 5... VERY WELL DONE... I'm experienced staff and they are paying me 5.. for a ger who is like 16 and only 2 months experience... she is paid 6... in addition.. she noe nothing abt the fragrances as she is only a RELIEF for counters... very welll... i shall give stuns too...
i intend to quit if i got better offer... 1 day notice... i wun behave and be the normal responsible me... coz they are not worth it for me to behave responsibly... i called peisheh to get her to try to get me back to tangs.. but she is in malaysia... oh well,.. i would rather go for the telemarketing jobs then to stand there and rot.... PUi....
the best thing is that my eyes swell and sore again.. due to the fragrances... very very welll... i should stop goinb back to this job...
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
fine fine fine... everything is very fine... juz that i'm so so so lazy to go back to work... esp when they told me to start work TOMOLO.... i wonder if sales will be as good as in the past... and i really hope so... i hope that my new manager can be like my old manager to treat me like a permanent staff... i really hope to work at least 24 days a month...
I have to thank bren.. she found me another job.. good good job.. but it was too late... i accepted the luxasia offer... haiz... bren's job is so much better... but i cannot turn down the other one as it only left them with one day to find a replacement... I guess i shouldn't be so irresponsible...
I juz hope that everything will be fine tomolo... more sales... lesss conflicts... more smiles... more money...
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Everything is goin fine... except for my nose and throat... i dunno why this stupid flu has lasted for so so so loooonggg.... can't wait for it to go away..
hmm.. starting work on 20th.. thats a thursday... haiz... start work early and i got more money... but i really wan to go back to ck tangs lehz.... haiz... if the commission and stuff is not good.. i might consider to go for admin work.. anyway... the pay will still be ard the same.. and i dun need to strive so hard... hahaa
hmm... if not better.. let louis support me lahz.. hahaha!!!! easy way out... lalalaaalalaaa...
i need money real sooooon....
money money money.....
Monday, April 17, 2006
I've did a small small test... the link is provided by PJ... and this is the result... quite true though...
| The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was arrogant, acting like the dictator of your life. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
first.. i must really thank jolene and those ppl who BBQ for us... nice lamb chop, nice steak, nice people... it's hard to have a gathering like this... and we really enjoyed ourselves... Though there's a few raindrops, the food is still fantastic, the mood still maintains, the atmosphere still stay...
before the BBQ, went town with bren... bought a tube and a handphone strip... nice nice... long time since i go shopping... it's time for me to ask huiling out too.. wonder if she's getting better...
Anyway.. after the BBQ, we went off to serangoon for prata and drinks.. sat down and talked... nice companions... Poor Jacq.. she stayed with us even when she still has another paper to sit for in 2 days time.... she sacrifices for us.. hahaa...
THANKEW mingyao for sending me and bren home!! hahaha.... thankew!!!!!!!!!
Din manage to take many photos... coz i din a camera... and eventually... he is still caught up with things and din attend the BBQ... i wanted to take a lot of pictures.. but ended with none... haiz... and there's more things added on..
Started my day happy and smiles.. in my teasing and playful mode in the BBQ... and ended with... haiz...
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Juz came back from sandra's birthday celebration... We joked, we smiles, we laugh as though everything is the same.. but.. we all noe it wasn't.. sth is missing.. someone is missing.. it's her..
Louis sent me to sandra's house and i was there early.. sat at the living room.. the last time i went her house was the day when we try to make a photo album for weiling's mum..
We had steamboat.. and then we had cake.. the usual birthday song.. the usual birthday wishes.. the usual birthday sabos by me.. the usual photo taking session.. but not the usual ppl... someone is missing.. it's her..
The food will be gone wif her ard... she will crap that she need to go on a diet if she is there... but... she's not there... we miss her.. and she missed all our birthday celebration for this year.. and every year from 3rd february 2006 onwards... the day when all our hearts sank.. the day when we lost her..
Read joyce's blog.. sense the kind of pain and regrets she has.. the apologies that she hope can be heard by weiling.. my tears welled up as i read thru them... pictures of her flashing past my mind... tears welled up... and eventually fall..
On 2nd feb 2006, I've received a phonecall from wanqi... i knew sth is wrong.. coz wanqi dun normally call me.. esp in the night at abt 10.35... Picked up the call.. heard the msg.. heart sank... i trembled.. i feel lost... all of a sudden.. i dunno what to do.. grabbed my bag, grabbed my wallet and phone... called jiayi.. and rushed down.. i'm scared.. i'm trembling as i speak to louis..
Managed to see her... held her cold, stiff hands... i can't help but cry... i can't even utter her name out... i looked at her.. i stared at her.. i dunno what to say.. nothing i can say... i felt lost... i went home after a few hours.. i din sleep.. i stoned.. i din attend my morning class the next day.. i met up with louis for my afternoon class.. tears are rolling in my eyes.. and i refuse to let them fall..
For a day or two... my eyes are alwayz wet.. my heart hurts even till now.. vision was blur when i was trying to rush out my report... i went to the school on saturday, 1 day after she left... i couldn't help but let my tears fall as i do my report in the study room.. everything is juz like a dream.. a dream which i hope will never come true..
Till today.. i smiled when i mention weiling.. i laugh at her comments and things she did.. i'm glad to have her as my friend... I never learn to cherish my friend.. i often overlook things which are important to for friendships to substain.. i never noe how to communicate with friends.. i never noe how to tell them frankly how i feel.. Perhaps ppl may feel i'm drifting away from everyone.. perhaps some may feel that i'm not making time for friends.. but when i meet up with them.. i really dunno what to say to them... i dunno why... i'm weird.. and i hate myself.. i really really hate myself for all these.. i hope that i can be more open towards my friends.. i really cherish them.. but i really dunno the right way to handle friendships.. can someone juz teach me the way to cherish and maintain those treasured friendships i have... coz i'm afraid.. i'm scared.. to lose any one of them...
Thursday, April 13, 2006
This time.. i feel so relaxed during the exams and before the exams... i dunno why.. its not me.. i've lose the motivation to strive for good results.. i juz hope that results wun be that bad.. And i guess it wun be bad..
Today was the last paper for me... but for my darling brenda.. she still got another calculus to go for... i noe she is tired.. i noe she is sad.. but somehow i feel sad for her too.. she is a great study buddy, a great pal, a great friend... we studied together.. we share our knowledge.. we shared the stress, we comforted each other.. It juz so nice to study with her.. no matter if it's in mac or at her house... she took care of me when i'm sick.. i will never forget that microwaved warm water.. and of course that super salty luncheon meat ommelette... hahahaa
anyway... i've got no confidence in getting very good results.. and i juz merely pass this exam period with ease... no insomnia, no weight lost... juz fell sick due to the overload of macdonalds and chocolates...
BRen arh.... take care k??? jiayou... i'm juz teasing u for the past few days lahz... and i got my bad karma lahz.. thats flu.. haha.. jiayou k?? when u are stress, juz give me a call... i will tok to u... i will give u some lame jokes... hehee... take care ger... i shall see u on Sunday ya?!!!
goin to sandra's birthday celebration tomolo.. steamboat at tampiness... and sunday will have BBQ with SMUggers hahaha.. really hope that louis is able to make it for that day... it would be nice if he can join us.. i want to take pics with him... coz.. we got so little pictures... and i need more...
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Since yesterday.. i've been sleeping... i slept from 6pm to 8pm.. woke up for dinner.. then slept from 9pm all the way till 11.45pm... i've slept for so so so long... but the flu is still there.. haiz.. i really hope that it can recover soon... at least before sandra's birthday celebration and the BBQ session.
It's time to get down to business law but i juz can't.. coz my mind is not working.. haiz..
I juz hope that my GPA for this sem wun pull me down that much... haiz...
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
my whole body is like jelly... i feel as though i'm floating.. my whole body seems numb... my brain seems empty but heavy.. my ears are block.. my taste buds are not working.. my nose are block.. everything are not working..
I guess it muz be the rain.. juz a light drizzle and i thought it's okie.. but who noes.. it only worsen my flu.. i'm really feeling terrible... very terrible.. i hate flu more than anything else.. coz it make my drowsy.. it make me feel weak...
yesterday.. i got brenda.. today i got no one... everyone is busy... bren is also tired.. haiz.. falling sick only makes me feel lonelier... i can't for the exams to be over...
I want to recover tomolo.. i wun be able to sit for my law exam in this condition.. i dun wan to get lousy results... i dun wan!!!!
Down with flu and fever... went for my AS paper with a blur head and indeed.. i couldn't analyse things... i made so much mistakes that i din wan to compare ans...
Hated myself.. hated the flu...
After the papers.. went for my driving lessons... today.. i'm so power... i wanted to change to 2nd gear.. but instead i changed to 4th... then i wanted to turn.. but my head was blank and couldn't co ordinate my movements.. my head is heavy.. eyes are tired.. nose are irritated... throat is painful... everything come together...
I really muz thank bren for the cold medicines she gave me when i was at her house last nite... she even microwaved a cup of warm water for me..
I need sleep.. i need knowledge.. i need brain power.. i need care.. i need luck.. i need everything... but i have nothing..
*sigh*
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Stayed over at bren house.. It feels good to stay away from home.. somewhere i dun feel loved..
Anyway last nite we mugged thru the nite.. and had some stress relieve sessions such as shopping and eating!! ice creams, crackers etc.. hahaa.. and in the end we had our dinner at abt 12.30am and we slept at 5 plus am... hahhaa... anyway we studied quite a bit last nite.. or should i say that we covered all the long questions last nite..
We then msn with jolene and louis with the high technology gadgets that bren has... hahhaa...
Oh.. bren's family is so easy going... we are chatting with the tv and stuffs.. ahhaa.. and her grandma is so friendly too.. i feel so bad.. coz her grnadma actually let me have the bed becoz we slept like 5am and she said that she's goin to wake up soon anyway... ohz... so sweet... Bren's mum even gave me chicken essence to drink.. and her dad told bren to give me a treat for dinner... ohz.. her family is so nice....
everyone is mugging.....
Saturday, April 08, 2006
back to my home.. but a home which dun seems like a home.. dun feel like a home.. coz no one cares...
I've been eating MAc.. my mum wouldn't care.. she din even bother to make me soup or whatever tonic.. never ever.. since young.. I've been burning midnight oil.. she's juz concern abt her sleep..
I woke up.. looked at the dining table.. its empty.. open up the fridge.. there's nothing.. except for raw vege.. then i took the milk.. wanted to drink it.. once i drank it.. i puked.. coz it's spolit...
i couldn't find food.. so i cooked mee.. as i cooked.. i'm almost crying.. why is my house like that... my mum wouldn't care.. not even when i'm sick or i'm tired.. i tried so hard to think for them.. to earn as much as i can to lessen their burden.. in the end.. i couldn't even get a little warmth from the family..
Now my house is just like a hotel to me.. i can go out as late as i want.. juz be back home to sleep... i can be at anywhere and everywhere.. smiling and happy... but not at home.. coz i'm not loved... i'm not cared for...
Now now.. when it's exam period.. he couldn't care much too.. coz he is busy... so i should seek shelter under my brenda.. i hate my home.. i hate everything...
I've been eating.. so much that me and brenda can hardly take it anymore.. books for breakfast, lunch and dinner.. fantastic!!!
Have been eating mac for the past few days.. i'm puking soon.. sick of the filet o fish... sick of the food.. sick of the place.. sick of the food..
Oh god.. may exams be gone.. How i wish Good friday is tomolo.. how i wish i can welcome my holidays with open arms...
evil evil evil... exams are evil...
Thursday, April 06, 2006
i started my day, tired but happy..
I ended my day, tired and unhappy..
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Jinhui's birthday celebration
My dear generous jinhui treated all of us to pan pacific international buffet on sunday.. hmm.. he spent so much!!! anyway.. we really had a nice time.. and this are 2 of the pics i took.. the others are with jiayi.. hmm...
Oh ya... i went to my facial today and bid my big megal bigheads good bye!!! hahaa.. lalalaa!! i'm happy.. hahaha
Monday, April 03, 2006
a big big mega blackhead... i goin to remove it tomolo.. damn... it's painful and sore.. haiz...
anyway.. time to start studying todae.. feeling real guilty for not study yesterdae and the day before.. shit.. i need to study more.. haiz... brenda is goin to take my nonsense tonite.. and perhaps every night from today on.. hahaa... haiz.. better get ready to get out of my house...
Poor brenda
Sunday, April 02, 2006
went for my sao mu marathon.. and then get myself out of my house to jinhui's birthday party.. i'm like a.. walking zombie.. damn damn tired...
will be uploading the photos soon.. but i'm not feeling good.. perhaps its really drifting.. i'm drifiting away from everyone.. i juz couldn't get into their conversation.. maybe i din try.. maybe i'm too tired to try.. i juz sat there... eat, smile, tok a bit.. but mine is not functioning well.. and.. ppl are working.. olivia in Sim.. but she is like.. quite close to wanqi.. so they all are toking everything.. yet i juz sat aside.. it seems like i'm goin to take on joyce's old role...
haiz... exams.. i can feel it coming.. bbut i can't see myself goin for it... my GPA is goin to suffer this time... sux big time.. i'm nnot feeling good.. i need a listening ear.. but i'm being shut out... haiz.. mugging time.. i love my brenda... she's goin thru all these with me everynite in AMK mac...
