Dainty Diva
Saturday, February 26, 2005
x SATURDAY x
A lonely saturdae again.. he is playing billard again... tomolo he got to attend dinner.. well.. i guess no need to meet. well... i can do my things...
My eyes.. he said that it seems alrite.. yes.. it may seems alritel.. but it is certainly feeling not alrite.. i am feeling pain.. he dun care i guess... he said he does... but i dun think so..
Anyway... dunno when he goin to finish his game... i am alone... lonely... no one cares.. how i wish he can juz accompany... he is not with me when i am goin thru it.. not even when i'm recovering...
If he is unable to accompany mi todae evening nor tml for dinner.. what can i sae.. when it is our anniversary on mondae... he dun care i guess... he never will.. it is half a year already i guess honeymoon period is over le bah.. haiz.. i dunno what to sae... i juz feel sad and lonely... can he be more loving and caring towards me... can he understand the pain.. not onli the wound but my heart... haiz
he wun be seeing this anyway... he wun noe... he will never noe..
Friday, February 25, 2005
x PAIN x
went to the doc yesterdae again as the infection dun seems to recover but continue spread for my left eye... went there.. the doc was late for almost 40 mins... idiot doc... anyway... got in... the doc inspected and said that i need to go for a minor operation to cut and remove those pus...
i was shocked... first thing came to my mind is the word pain... then the word gross..
Anyway.. th doc said that if i dun go for it... then i will have to wait for very long for it to recover.. or it may not even recover... well... no choice.. i went for it...
Sat on the seat waiting for the doc is the worse thing ever.. i alwayz afraid of the feelin such as something cutting u... called my mum... asked her to bring me home... before i was being operated she was there.. she seems worried... more worried than i am... i knew tat it was juz a small thing lahz.. haha..
The doc was here... then.. he said that he will inject first.. wah kaoz
the injection sux... it hurts... hurt too much that i cried during the operation... then
he turn over my eyelid... and he use sth to poke mi... i dun feel the pain... but i was crying for help deeep in my heart.. haiz.. then i can feel it cutting me.. then he scrap... kaoz!!!!!!! my heart felt pain... real pain... then he goes to the other eye.. wah.. the lower eyelid one.. is much more painful then the one under eyelid...
haiz... i guess the whole thing onli lasted for abt 15 mins... but it is realli called sensory and physical risk... damn... hmm... worse thing is... he onli can operate two... as.. if he were to operate for both under eyelid.. he will have to pad both of my eyes.. then i wn be able to see. then he tell me to go through another one after mine recoer... kaoz.. as if i still dare.. but no choice..
Adrian was not with me... how i wish he is the one who led me home.. he was at home playing his game.. haiz... went home called him... i was timid... i got a fright... i called him... when he picked up the phone i cried... juz couldn't control it nor stop.. he started to worry... haiz... dunno why.. juz feel... he dun seems to care...
Todae... he hasn't called... maybe he's busy... too busy bahz... haiz.. better dun expect too much... if not i will be more disappointed..
* Anyway... after the operation i got deep pretty double eyelid... i also dunno if the scar will go away... haiz
Saturday, February 19, 2005
went to sch at 11.. got to do my project... have to start.. no choice.. too many projects on hand.
Actually porkies goin to meet todae... yesh... i din attend.. it's alwayz me.. i'm sorry ger... went to sch.. discuss abit of the project.. manage to get the complaint letters. I reached home at ard 530.. tot of meeting him.. but he was playing his billard.. i wore a jeans.. thinking that i will be meeting him after his billard... got to go for dinner with my family... actually he said that he might be ending the game late.. so i went ahead.. agreed to go for the dinner...
He tell me that his parents had went for concert.. so he is alone... i guess he will realli be lonely.. so i broke my promise and stayed at home to wait for him to finish his game...
He tell me that he is not goin to meet me... i was left alone at my auntie house.. no dinner nuthing... and he is telling me he's goin dinner with his brother in law... well done... He din care about me... Fine.. i'm angry of course..
I went back home... started throwing things.. vent my anger.. well.. he called me after he reached home.. he said he dun understand why i am so angry.. coz he explained that it was too last minute.. oh ya... so should i not be angry for breaking my promise and got scolded becoz of him... i'm definitely angry... i'm unreasonable.. i'm petty.. watever it is... i am unhappy. very
Din get to meet him yesterdae... nor todae... why not make it forever then?
i'm getting more and more grumpy.. perhaps i lacked of sleep... haiz... i juz need some understanding and empathy....
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
x stress x
Stress is coming... i can feel it chargin towards me... one presentation tml, one 10 page project to be handed in on fri. Next week... one more report, one more presentation. Soon, there will be another project before sitting for exam.. fast isn't it... for less than 2 months... i will be out of ngee ann.. where will i be.. i dunno... i am someone who is lost.. standing at the crossroad
I'm thinking, what if i realli decide to get out of singapore to study.. will he follow me... guess not.. he will be entering NTU this july. How is it like if i am in a country far away from him... Perhaps it will juz like be when he is in brunei.. day after day.. crossing out one after another on the calender.
Got back my test paper.. my dear SQM.. dunno why get that marks... things are out of the lecture notes.. my mind isn't working... juz feel... that's not my best..
Oh ya... i will be having my prsentation tomolo, so what am i doin here... haiz.. i need some fresh air... how i wish i can go somewhere to relax.. taking in deep breathe, looking at the sea, enjoying the breeze... *DreamInG*
Sunday, February 13, 2005
x My V dae x
Went to Pariss for the buffet in the afternoon... got there and saw sandra they all...i realli tot they are going for dinner... i dunno lahz... i also too sick to remember... hasn't been sleeping well.. been coughing my heart out last nite.. Anyway.. Nuthing fantastic there... dun like buffet at all.. Coz i guess.. i wun be able to eat food dat worth the cost...
I was reali tired... bought my shoes and then headed for his house.. reached not long after, his mum called.. need to go for a dinner with his god mum and dad... god... i am tired... and i wear t shirt and jeans..
got there... had a slow and uneasy dinner... din speak much... mainly touch on further studies such as uni... i never noe his god dad is an ex director of ngee ann... stunned and shocked when the queestion on where i am going for further studies... struck dumb.... i dunno wat to sae...
They were talking abt ice cream, cakes and business... while all i can was to sit there and stare at the little boi who has long eyelashes, cute little face and angel smile... so sweet...
Now.. too tired to do my projects... tons of things to do... i am sick... haiz...
Todae is the fourth dae.. or should i sae... yesterdae was the fourth dae.. haha... In the noon, adrian came my house to visit my mum... as usual she dun tok... he juz sat in my room playing my maple story while i bathe and make up... soon, we left for his house for lunch....
anyway... need to go adrian cousin house.. this time... his father side.. hmm... got there... too many ppl... so many unfamiliar faces.. i'm feeling sleepy... feeling so sick.. in the late afternoon the lion dance ppl were here... i got sudden deaf in my ears after they left... as usual ah bengs... I got a shocked from the stupid lion head... as i was toking to racheal.. when i lift my head up.. the lion head was looking at me.. eyes big big.. kaoz!!! scare mi!!!
Anyway.. finally got back to his house... i'm glad... coz i realli not feeling well... he was playing his game and i was reading magazine and watching tv.. i was tired yet can't fall asleep.. i dunno why.. juz got that feeling... in the evening. his dad those insurance colleagues were at his house... when i look at them... they were like 20 odd juz like cherry they all... erm... actually the way they tok do resemble them.. anyway... i was upstairs and they were in the living room.. so nuthing =)
Went dinner with his dad colleagues, his dad and mum.. and his dad friend.. hmm... saw them many times and they were realli friendly... i was glad that i need not eat with those colleagues coz i realli hate eating with ppl whom i dunno...
Now i was tirex... i am starving... but juz can't sleep... wat happen to me...
Goin to celebrate v dae with adrian tomolo... actualli meeting porkies... but sorrie gers... i'm realli sorrie... i am tired.. projectz and projects,,, i'm getting more and more stress.... haiz...
Got to noe adrian goin to disrupt and goin into Uni this july... i was shocked.. i got frightened... ther are many gers in NTU... wat if he found someone better.. i'm scared... too scared to think anything... this time i guess i'm realli serious... haiz...
Saturday, February 12, 2005
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!
I began my new year with vomittings and stomach cramps.. wat a great year for me... i feel sick on the first dae of the new year... wore a spec during the new year... my cousins told mi i look like a teacher... -_-""
second dae.. went over to my father side... hmm so many kids... so cute.. haha... running here and there... calling me yi yi and gu gu.. haha... so cute... wonder next time how will my kids look like... more like me or more like my husband... I was reali tired that dae... dozed off on the sofa... reach home at abt 7.. no one was at home... as my Mama went over to my second auntie house... hmm... ate my dinner peaceful enjoying those food brought home from my auntie house...
Third dae.. first went to bishan for a movie... Gotcha!! got caught by my cousin... my brother's god brother... i was with adrian... My little nephew kovan is so cute... he is so shy that he went to hide behind his mum when he saw mi... anyway... i feel good to let my cousins see adrian.. juz feel that at least i dun need to lie to my mum about where i go...
DINNER TIME: i should be at judy house... coz in the end... adrian mum tell mi to go over to adrian's grandma house for dinner... so i have to go... if not dun give face.. so sorry pals!!! Hmm.. there are many ppl there... but what stunned me was his uncle's high fi set... he set aside a room specially for those high fi with sound system everything... heard that one cable cost more than 100... let alone the amphifier.. i guess over 15,000... the whole system may add up to !!! wah i dun dare to think.. too wasteful...
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
2 daes more before Chinese new year... exactly a week before V dae... todae.. i sat in the bus thinking of wat to get for adrian... then it reminded me of the past when we both took bus together... how sweet and happy we are.. thou i was in uniform... i was still young.. perhaps to others i am a rebellious ger who dun go home after sch... but to me... those were the ever sweetest moment in my life... Innocent, sweet and simple life... nuthing to worry for...
I alwayz smiled as i looked into the past... it make mi realise how unreasonable i was in the past.. how demanding and how often i got jealous over small little matter.. i alwayz sae adrian not sensitive enough, not caring enough, dunno how to dote on me... but he did all this thru actions.. he juz dunno how to express in words bah...
I realli wondered.. how impt am i to him... asking myself.. how impt is he to me then... i juz couldn't get myself an answer.. sth that is unmeasurable.. sth that i wouldn't noe... till the dae he leave me... =)
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Stupid Huiling
Hey stupid u... must u quote wat i sae in my blog.. ahha... i was reading thru huiling blog and realise.. erm... this paragraph of words seems familiar... kaoz.. it was from me... it is my thoughts onli k.... kaoz... haha.. anyway... huiling and 20.. erm... she keep thinking of breakup but i noe she value the relationship juz that she mouth hard heart soft.. hmm.. anyway god bless her lahz.. haha
Played my maple story.. then realise it's late.. applied my that eye cream.. things seems blur.. the eye drop make mi tear.. coz it realli hurts when that stupid eye drop get into my pain.. juz like sterlising my eyes... hmm hmm... tomolo got to go tampines.. for that En community service thing... need to go there to see the org and come up with a E brochure... this time i'm dead realli dead... who can help mi with flash... i'm dying... hate that flash... the timeline everything... coz i juz can't get the animation rite... i sux when it comes to this IT stuff... let me go lahz... i hate the module.. torturing... haiz.. another torturing project will be building and programming the robot (RCX) haiz... i hate lego!!!! stupid lego... dunno what programming... so many steps and instructions and rules to follow... hate it...
Friday, February 04, 2005
x Over x
Common tests are over and the last paper... erm... dunno.. feel so cheated by the tutor.. little from those lecture notes... sickening.. anyway... there is more to come after the common test...
There are 3 more projects which deadlines are approaching.. One Smm.. another one is PSI.. another is the flash.. sickening flash... 60%!!!! how to do... i dun even realli noe how to do simple animation.. haiz...
Realli sickening... so hectic... new year is coming... nuthing special..
Oh ya... yesterdae i went for eye specialist as there seems to have sth under my eye lid... the bill is 100 bucks... kaoz... damn ex... anyway.. it's all becoz of my contact lens... cause mi so much trouble...
Argh... need to present another 2 project when the sch reopen after Chinese New Year...
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
x Diluted x
Honeymoon period is the sweetest moment in a relationship.. but why is there a end to relationship? I alwayz wanted to know why a sweet and loving couple will still break up in the end.. Now i know why
The first few months, the guy keep adding honey.. till a certain time, he stopped, he feel there is no need for the honey.. Instead the girl added in tears... as time goes.. tears diluted the thick sweet honey... With a contant amount of honey... there is a large amount of tears added to it... day after day, month after month.. the honey is no longer sweet... being together or not doesn't make a difference.. coz.. life is still plain and normal..
Perhaps the onli difference is tat tears will still continue to be accumulated, more pain she need to suffer.. hence, by goin diff ways.. it will lessen the pain and stop adding tears...
I dunno what i am talking abt.. but all this juz appear in my mind... perhaps things are just not meant to be..
