Dainty Diva
Sunday, January 30, 2005
x Him x
Saw nicholas in MSN.. the nick is still the same.. i guess i realli hurt him too much by leaving him... haiz.. maybe it juz meant to be.. chose the path.. now.. it seems that there are more and more obtacles for mi to clear..
As time pass... man realli took girls for granted.. juz hate the feeling.. todae... again... games, billard and soccer.. are his everything.. maybe i grumbled too much, maybe i'm realli too demanding... not an understanding girlfriend, a gentle and sweet angel guys are looking for.. i'm juz me.. a tomboi me...
Haiz... i realli dunno what to sae him... i realli tot he had changed for the better.. but i guess this isn't the case bahz.. hmm.. shouldn't threw my temper, shldn't cry... juz dun care.. maybe i will feel better bah...
Friday, January 28, 2005
x Anniversary x
started off sweet.. yet in the end we still got some quarrels here and there..
Wandered ard in amk central for almost 45 mins i guess.. waiting for him.. watching the sky turns dark, watching children running ard me.. Saw an old couple holding hands, strolling in amk central.. it juz gave me the special kind of feeling call sweetness... i envy them.. hoping my the other partner will be there to hold on to my hand, accompanying me thru the rest of my life. .. i guess i'm asking too much.. Now, in this society, i think getting married without divorce is good enough..
Hmm... had our dinner... and i was so tired.. went over to his house, forgot abt the bak kwa that i wanted to buy for his parents.. he keep dragging me away from the shop, keep telling me i dun need to buy anything.. but i juz feel so bad without giving something to his parents... Was cedric brithdae todae... he msg me telling me that i dun give him face coz i din help him to celebrate his birthdae, instead went to accompany adrian... haiz... todae is our anniversary.. what can i do... he tell me to bring him home.. i wanted to.. but realli cannot predict my mum's reaction. to her i'm still a little girl.. the girl who will remain at that age no matter how many sunrise and sunset.
Finally at ard 10 plus.. i headed home.. he kept telling me he is tired and i noe... he is busy for the past few daes.. if i hasn't message him the anniversary message.. he would have forgotten abt it bah.. i reached home and bathed... and he called to ask mi if he could go for billard... billard again... it is alwayz billard... this time i fumed.. he do not noe the reason why i got angry.. yes i am unreasonable... he was telling me he was tired... yah.. he went for his soccer game in the evening... and now he wanted to go for a billard game even he is tired... so now i realise how impt billard is to him..
I think he had forgotten what he had told mi yesterdae.. he was so busy yesterdae and i called him to tell him to concentrate on his work and i go rest first coz i have a paper the next dae.. he was so gentle and sweet to me.. i juz love the way he tok to me then.. he tell me that he can call me the next dae afternoon as he will be less busy... yes.. that is todae.. he din call.. i waited... i was so dumb to believe him... i called him and he is goin for a soccer game.. well... what can i sae... Maybe i am too sensitive.. yet i can't help but feel so...
Oh ya... had my first test paper todae.. it was okie... missed out some points here and there.. hmm.. juz no mood to tok to him... i am unreasonable... i had alwayz been one.. and i will continue to be one... coz he will never understand me..
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
He is busy... it seems dat he is forever busy.. one thing after another... i'm getting used to it...
Dunno where he is now... still waiting for his call... but i am realli too tired... on verge of breaking down... all thanks to those black skin!!!! not i despise them... not i discriminate them.. but sometimes they realli do things out for ppl to hate them...
Can u imagine a group of those indians gathering at my house void deck, playing drum, singing, luffing, toking loudly, having those ah beng cars horning continuously for almost 5 secs... on and off... damn... i was cursing and swearing..
My window was tightly closed and i could still hear those noise... realli hate it... i almost pick up the phone and dial triple 9... Hate it... stay away from me... Argh... common test is coming... die die;... this sem i really too slack... cannot cannot... muz find my motivation and determination back... i need them...
Hmm... maybe i'm thinking too far.. but i guess he will be even more busy when he get into NTU.. the tutorials and those projects.. haiz... i better get use to it now...
*left with no choice... =(
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Now alone... no at mine house... but his...
He went for a billard game.. keep asking me if i will be angry... can't he juz be more empathetic.. what if i left him alone at my house with my dad and mum... how will he feel...
dun feel like saying... he kept asking mi if he can go.. if i will be angry.. he will choose not to go if i am angry... what can i sae... stop him from goin.. goin somewhere when he realli feel like goin.. i juz couldn't do it... but now he is gone... my tears are here... i am sad, dissappointed more than angry... do i realli mean so little to u... if u realli wan to go for the game... juz let me stay at my home..
I realli got nuthing to sae... too hurt to sae anything..
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
x Call x
He called.. Finally... my handphone rang.. It was him.. but i noe he wun be on phone for too long.. i noe he is tired.. now soundly asleep... leaving me.. bored and disappointed.. Juz not used to it thats all... maybe i will learn to accept... learn to get used to it... =)
x Stress x
=_= ""
ToO stress.. maybe it can motivate me to work... i noe it isn't rite for me to leave things till it is near the dateline before i start to panic and rush thru my work... But... i realli feel so lazy and unhurried when i know there is still time for mi to do my project..
Now really rushing thru... a simple report seems so hard to complete.. haha... A simple report may look simple yet it must reach certain quality and quantity.. Just got back from the observation thing from Orchard... goin ard stalking ppl... so we are training how to become stalkers.. Walked ard robinson cp.. as usual.. i will alwayz buy sth.. this time.. bought myself a card case... seems nice... orange again...
Adrian seems so busy.. din get to tok to him last nite.. but suprisingly... i din threw my temper.. maybe i am busy as well... did my report till wee hours.. 4 or 5 i forgotten.. haiz... common tests are coming as well... guess i will be realli stress out...
I received so many sms... yet none is from him... wonder what he is doin... is he realli that busy? haiz.. forget it... i better save my brain power to do my project...
Saturday, January 15, 2005
x Bad-tempered x
I'm bad tempered.. realli.. i alwayz shout at ppl.. i noe.. it's one of my weaknesses.. sth that Adrian hate.. But i guess.. i realli hate it when he raised his voice at me.. esp over the phone.. his tone and volume.. will onli make mi cry... hurt..
Maybe he was realli tired.. so he is easily annoyed.. i juz merely mentioned abt the friendster.. why he juz dun wan to put my pic.. he juz shouted.. hate it.. realli hate it... i'm trying to tell him how i feel and what ppl is saying behind me... all this matter to me.. but i guess he think i am kicking a fuss out of nuthing again..
The word Understanding... seems so hard to search for... tot he realli understand me.. but he din put himself in my shoes to understand how i feel.. understand what is impt to me as a woman...
perhaps i am in no position to criticise him... coz... to him... maybe i dun understand him as well.. i'm not an understanding ger... a pampered, spolit and unreasonable ger... worse ger he can ever have..
if things realli mean to end... it will end eventually.. since things are getting from bad to worse... i am juz too demanding.. too hard to please... making him too tired... then forget it... maybe he will be happier without me... no more worries... no more burden.. a freed Adrian...
Thursday, January 13, 2005
x Lonely x
Realli so lonely... in the quiet nite.. trying real hard to find that questionnaire but juz can't get hold of it.. i had used up all the keywords.. switching from one to another.. yet i still reap nuthing from it.. It was late.. he hasn't call.. i guess i shan't wait anymore.. i am tired.. He wun noe i'm worried anyway.. He has his buddies, his food, his entertainment and proberly looking at girls now.. who knows...
Project Dateline is approaching.. work are piling up.. stress had came and took over me.. i'm short tempered and unreasonable now... juz need more care and concern from ppl ard mi.. more hugs from the twins.. more laughter from my frienz and classmates..
My asthma seems to be on and off... for a moment.. it was like hell to me... so near to it that i can feel i am stepping into the door that says welcome Lishan as i gasp for my air.. my hands and feet turns cold... my face was as white as a sheet of paper... no one noes that kind of feeling... no one noes how scared i am.. Why not see a doc?
I had alwayz fear goin to docs as i'm afraid.. one fine dae he might juz tell me that there is sth wrong somewhere in my body that he need to open it up to correct for me.. too much for mi to bear.. it's a psychology burden.. U may think i'm weird.. but i'm realli timid.. too timid till i'm so ashamed of myself..
So far for todae... nuthing wrong.. and i hope nuthing will be wrong.. juz let my heartbeat be constant.. let my hands and feet remain warm.. let me feel the air circulating around me.. into my body and out of my nose... in this silent lonely nite...
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
x Out Of Breath x
fell sick.. guess asthma again... long time since i wrote here... many things are happening ard mi... jinhui... dunno what to sae to him.. nuthing i can sae.. what i sae will onli make things worse.. suddenly i realli can understand how adrian feel there and then.. when i decided to leave him... he din pester mi.. he just let me go.. wonder if he had teared.. wonder if his heart was broken... After so much things, i realise i used to be too demanding.. no one is perfect... so is he.. he may not voice out how much he cared.. but i noe he do.. somehow, thru some ways..
Hasn't been sleeping well for the past few days.. wonder why..
Oh ya... Attended Sophia's Wedding.. Getting married is alwayz such a sweet and treasured moment.. wonder how my wedding will look like.. and how my husband look like.. For the whole dae.. meeting his relatives.. taking care of racheal.. playing with her.. at the end of the dae.. i was so tired.. too tired..
For the whole weekend.. din realli get to really tell him and ask him things .. muz wait to see him.. haiz... i'm sick.. yet juz feel so lonely.. haiz...
Monday, January 03, 2005
xX Sch Assignment Xx
This sch assignment requires me to post on my blog...
http://www.pollmonkey.com/p.asp?U=9587817061
Hmm.. juz a poll on the company breadtalk
Sunday, January 02, 2005
xX New Year Xx
Went to Esplanade.. thought there is fireworks.. in the end it was cancelled.. huiling and her bf was there too.. but her bf realli lame... said afraid to see adrian then got the kind of competition feeling... dunno why i juz feel stupid.. haha.. anyway... since there is no fireworks.. we went eslewhere.. went for billard...
A solemn and sad new year... and it is like rainning for the past few days.. just hope that the rain can just stop... let the sea water slowly retreat from the land... Edited the MIS project... as usual... she is irresponsible.. realli hate that kind of working atitude.. she can juz put all those points in sentence.. simple sentences and without considering the points she wrote at first.. sickening.. wonder how she pass her composition... i juz feel that one should be responsible for her own work... she can't just rely on ppl... too much things to complain.. lazy to sae.. angry to mention.. juz wan to scold her straight at her face..
*pissed*
