Dainty Diva
Thursday, April 28, 2005
My Anniversary!!! Hehe.. a wonderful anniversary... i love it.. He came to pick me up at ard 7.30 and then went to esplanade.. got into a japanese restaurant then ordered something.. the soft shell crab handroll is nice.. very very nice.. hehee.. can go and eat lahz.. hehe..
Walked to esplanade.. sat down.. chat about somethings and then let the cool breeze blow onto my face.. this the life i wanted.. hehe.. it is juz romantic.. Then after that.. went to eat the chocolate hehee.. nice nice..
Anyway.. got to sit in the new car of his.. erm.. i still prefer the old car... more comfortable.. hehee.. nuthing i can sae... coz i can't afford the car anyway... yeah.. todae is a wonderful dae.. with my confirmation in SMU and the wonderful dae.. heheee...
Tomolo is another off dae... then after tomolo.. i will wait till 15th of next month before i got my next off dae.. hmm prada launch.. hehe.. then... i guess i will be eating shit le bahz!!!!!
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
.. i got the letter ...
I opened up my letter box.. saw the SMU letter... i can't wait to open up the letter... the letter wrote.. Congratulations! we are delighted to offer you admission to SMU's Bachelor of Business Management programme... those words jumped up at me..
i was smiling away in the lift.. i guess the person beside me must think i'm nuts.. but who cares!!! i'm happy.. very very happy!!! then.. got out of the lift.. called him immediately.. he din ans the call.. and i couldn't send sms out to him.. forget it.. i called jiayi!!! haha!!! i was so so so so happy... hehe... if hanwei is in singapore.. i will call him the next haha.. anyway goin to call huiling later.. coz my handphone got prob!!!! haha..
Actually wanted to go to sch to hand in the bursary thingy.. got onto the bus and realise that i forgot abt my results... came back and check to see if i brought all the things.. and i need to bring my real copies down.. and later i might be goin out with him.. so i think i tomolo then go ba... haiz..
Actually wanted to celebrate our anniversary todae.. an early celebreation of 8th month anniversary.. but.. quarrelled with him yesterdae... over the same kind of things.. he juz couldn't be bothered i guess.. watever it is.. he wun be able to make it home early... so what does that mean?? i planned my dae.. wanted to go back to sch.. then meet him at his house bus stop.. but now.. none of it actually go according as planned... juz let it be... i juz wanted to stay at home now.. so juz leave me alone... let me hug that letter to sleep...
.. i got the letter ...
I opened up my letter box.. saw the SMU letter... i can't wait to open up the letter... the letter wrote.. Congratulations! we are delighted to offer you admission to SMU's Bachelor of Business Management programme... those words jumped up at me..
i was smiling away in the lift.. i guess the person beside me must think i'm nuts.. but who cares!!! i'm happy.. very very happy!!! then.. got out of the lift.. called him immediately.. he din ans the call.. and i couldn't send sms out to him.. forget it.. i called jiayi!!! haha!!! i was so so so so happy... hehe... if hanwei is in singapore.. i will call him the next haha.. anyway goin to call huiling later.. coz my handphone got prob!!!! haha..
Actually wanted to go to sch to hand in the bursary thingy.. got onto the bus and realise that i forgot abt my results... came back and check to see if i brought all the things.. and i need to bring my real copies down.. and later i might be goin out with him.. so i think i tomolo then go ba... haiz..
Actually wanted to celebrate our anniversary todae.. an early celebreation of 8th month anniversary.. but.. quarrelled with him yesterdae... over the same kind of things.. he juz couldn't be bothered i guess.. watever it is.. he wun be able to make it home early... so what does that mean?? i planned my dae.. wanted to go back to sch.. then meet him at his house bus stop.. but now.. none of it actually go according as planned... juz let it be... i juz wanted to stay at home now.. so juz leave me alone... let me hug that letter to sleep...
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
got back from work.. finally got 2 daes off.. but... i'm goin to eat grass next month... commission is like shit... haiz... was quite weak todae... keep having giddyness... and i bought my puma t-shirt todae.. XS haha... finally i fit into the category of XS.. Weiling they all said that i lose quite some weight.. but i dun feel so lehz... maybe too stress le bahz...
back at home.. dun feel like talking to anyone.. yesh.. i got atitude problem.. went to the friendster.. his status is still single.. what can i sae.. i told him how i feel.. i told him so many times.. if u have no intention to change.. then dun ask mi.. wats the point of telling the reason and yet u din take any action? it is more disappointing than not letting u noe at all..
I'm asking myself.. is this the life i really wanted.. Am i really wanted him to be my future husband? i really dunno... i feel really upset and angry.. can u be more sensitive towards my feeling?? If i really dun wish for this kind of life, why should i continue?
i'm very tired.. so let mi juz brief u thru what i've done todae...
Todae.. cut my hand.. without realising it till my colleague pointed it out to me.. hahaa.. she tot why i paint my nails like that .. no.. is my blood.. haha.. anyway.. it's alrite le...
Sales had been bad.. so is my mood.. trying to tune my mood back... but i guess.. i can't.. Went out with adrian after work.. for a movie.. Creeps.. it should be named Crap instead.. it is GROSS.. but adrian was luffing as he was watching.. he said it was lame.. diaoz..
Anyway.. before movie.. went for crystal jade.. i was damn full!!!!! but i dun wan to tell him i'm full coz he said that i will sure complain and choose not to have my nachos in the end... erm.. he was right.. haha.. anyway.. saw a puma t-shirt.. i like it... i wanted to take it.. but dunno size S or XS... can i have sth in between??? haiz.. S is a bit loose.. XS is fitting but a bit tight.. scared i will get fat.. then buy S i scared later wash le will expand.. diaoz... dunno what to do lahz..
LAstly.. i got my timetable for next month.. got off dae on saturdae and sundae.. i dunno i should be happy or sad.. anyway.. i can accompany my dear adrian.. haiz.. really too tired le... 3 daes off next month... waOh.. somemore 3 promotion... i'm dying.. but i hope sales can be alot bettter.. let me have 2000 bucks for salary at least bah... if not i will cry le... haiz...
Sunday, April 24, 2005
i'm damn bloody tired... actually wanted to wake up to call hanwei.. wishing him all the best for the trip.. yet i overslept and almost late for work.. sickening...
Went to work.. it was tiring and stress.. no sales.. i'm goin to eat grass next month... haiz.. met up with jiayi, weiling, joyce and wanqi to buy sandra's present... they all said i have slimmed down.. but i really dun feel so.. perhaps is due to the 1 meal one dae bahz.. haha..
After work.. he came.. this time by train.. then walked ard.. saw a Puma t-shirt i like.. but it's too big.. and it's 33 bucks.. no money to buy.. so i put it back.. then.. walked ard.. and have my dinner at Mos burger.. ate EBI burger... joyce's fav.. hehe.. then then.. went into giordano and found a kids polo tee quite nice and he bought it for me..
walked ard.. sae so many things.. too many things i wanted to buy.. haiz.. i need jeans... i wanted the levis one.. i guess i need to wait till my wallet is a bit fatter..
Saturday, April 23, 2005
which way should i choose.. which route should i take.. wat am i goin to do..
All these had been my troubles.. i am feeling rather low these few weeks... no one noes why.. coz i never mentioned it to anyone. i'm preparing for the worse.. if i din get into SMU... which way should i take then?
Should i go to work.. or should i enter a private uni.. for my situation.. i guess.. i should be working.. i shouldn't be so selfish.. entering into a private uni to get a worthless cert.. i would rather i go out to work to lessen my family burden and to save up for my brother's education. I noe.. i can't be so selfish to throw the burden to my dad.. is too much for them to bear...
If i'm so lucky to get into SMU.. i will have to study 4 years.. this make it worse.. coz.. i will be studying till my brother got out of his 2 years NS.. and he will have to study uni... so... how?? my dad.. he need to rest too.. he had been working too hard.. haiz..
I told my mum.. i goin to work.. dun wish to study anymore.. they were like scolding me.. for giving up my studies.. but did they try to understand why? it is my dreams to get to uni.. to graduate.. how much i wanted to.. yet they juz can't undestand.. U may sae i'm thinking too far.. but.. for my family background.. i have to.. i can't be so selfish...
Now.. wat should i do? should i choose to turn left or right? Can someone please guide me?? I'm lost.. Too lost to make any decision.. coz i noe.. i will be sad and guility for choosing any of the way.. So.. what should i do??
should i frown or should i smile...
Was that innocence or insensitivity?
I dunno... i dunno how to differentiate them... he came todae.. fetched me for supper... or rather dinner... actually wanted to eat chocolate.. and we went for simply thai for dinner first... then i felt too full to eat the chocolate.. hence i refused to go in..
Went to walk ard the shops... i dunno... i juz feel of sitting down somewhere.. let me enjoy the light breeze blowing on my face.. let me destress.. let me confide into u... yet.. we juz walked round and round... finally he asked.. shall we go home? tomolo u got to work... fine.. this really let me realise.. how much he understand me.. noe me... i juz smile.. and sae okie.. he sensed sth wrong.. then asked if i wan to find somewhere to sit down.. no more mood.. no longer.. i insisted on goin home...
I wanted to cry so much... but i noe... i can't.. i shouldn't.. i didn't.. i kept quiet.. he sensed sth wrong.. he asked... but i kept it to myself.. why... why he juz dun understand a ger? should i compliment him for his straightforwardness.. should i feel sad for his insensitivity...
No matter wat... now i noe.. be believing in him... i gave myself another potential chance to get disappointment..
should i frown or should i smile...
Was that innocence or insensitivity?
I dunno... i dunno how to differentiate them... he came todae.. fetched me for supper... or rather dinner... actually wanted to eat chocolate.. and we went for simply thai for dinner first... then i felt too full to eat the chocolate.. hence i refused to go in..
Went to walk ard the shops... i dunno... i juz feel of sitting down somewhere.. let me enjoy the light breeze blowing on my face.. let me destress.. let me confide into u... yet.. we juz walked round and round... finally he asked.. shall we go home? tomolo u got to work... fine.. this really let me realise.. how much he understand me.. noe me... i juz smile.. and sae okie.. he sensed sth wrong.. then asked if i wan to find somewhere to sit down.. no more mood.. no longer.. i insisted on goin home...
I wanted to cry so much... but i noe... i can't.. i shouldn't.. i didn't.. i kept quiet.. he sensed sth wrong.. he asked... but i kept it to myself.. why... why he juz dun understand a ger? should i compliment him for his straightforwardness.. should i feel sad for his insensitivity...
No matter wat... now i noe.. be believing in him... i gave myself another potential chance to get disappointment..
Thursday, April 21, 2005
yeah he's asleep... no chocolate no nuthing... goin to have a simple home dinner... hmm... i'm tired as well... very very tired... tomolo got to work again... haiz... have to work another week before i got another off dae... As far as i noe... next month and next few months.... i will be terribly busy.. sorry friends... hmm... i will find time for u all...
Todae went to bugis... meet up with Hanwei... went to shop ard.. and he a nice nice guy.. got conned again.. this time perfume.. i noe he's feeling down... so never told him off.. anyway i got fault as well.. coz the two guys caught him while he was waiting for me.. paiseh.. if i'm not late then hor... he will be saved....
Next time those salesperson approach u all for those perfume... ask them for all the ingredients.. the top heart and base note... tell them u are sensitive to some ingredients and need to noe... then hor.. see what they sae... Remember.... the two lucky guys... heng their leg can run fast... if not i sure go scold them... wat MK1.. wat launch next month.. launch next month is CK1 summer lahz... orange bottle... so some research before u all come out to con ppl... better dun do too much this kind of bad things.. if not u all walk will trip, climb stairs will roll down, bad luck will follow u.. coz the godS are wathing u closely.. BEWARE!!!!!
I was sleeping when my handphone go... beep.. results....
I was abit disappointed as i din do as well as before... well... but i guess.. i should be contented.. to have this kind of results... here is the results...
Internation Business: B+
managment Infomation system: B+
Perspective of service industries: A
Service Quality Management: A
Service marketing Managment: A+
Creating Multimedia Presentation: A
Mobile Robotics: C+
all thanz to mobile robotics.. damn bloody module... i hate it man... it make my GPA drop.. i hate it... shit u... shit lego.. shit everything... anyway... with thos kind of results.. dun hope to get into NTU anymore.. dream on... live in my dreams bah....
yeah yeah!!! i got my off dae tml!!!!
Went to counter todae.. early.. haha... coz i went over to taka to exchange my promotor pass. then that 38 huling called and asked where am i.. then i went to the counter.. wrong move!! *%$##%^&* got so many many stock and FOC... that stupid girl.. she worked for so long le.. still dunno... everything also ask me.. diaoz... damn her... in the end i hurt myself again... i shouldn't have go so early.. should go drink tea with huiling.
Today.. sales is not good.. office ppl came down... asked abt the sales... diaoz... again... haiz... then everytime keep pressurizing us.. hmm.. i dunno.. they all went to ladies nite todae... hehe... dragged me there but i juz refused.. heehee.. hmm. got to meet my dear dear.. went for dinner before i went home...
Goin to get my result tomolo... good luck to me... =) hehee... and good luck to everyone!!!! will be goin out for dinner tomolo.....
Saturday, April 16, 2005
suppose to celebrate sandra birthdae todae.. they met up at 4.. yet i worked and worked... still bad sales.. haiz... got so angry and sad and went home at 8... actually wanted to meet up with them... yet.. my feet really hurt.. i'm really too stress up... tears is threatening to fall...
Thought i will be working till at ard 9... thought he will be able to meet me for supper.. coz i'm realli famished.. but he is goin out with his campmates... my mum they all are out.. i'm all left alone.. isn't it pathetic.. for me to eat alone.. to be alone in this saturdae nite.. i deserved it coz i chose not to meet up with sandra they all... i noe i'm a bad friend.. someone who is so bad and disgusting.. i hate myself too...
He told me that he will be able to meet me everydae for the next one month... do u think i will believe u.. why should i believe u... if i choose to believe u.. i will end up being disappointed once again... U wun understand why i'm so angry with u.. where are u when i need u.. where? u wun understand.. coz u never never try to know what kind of situation i'm facing at work.. u dunno anything abt me.. u dunno everything.. And may i noe do u noe.. are u my boyfriend?
Friday, April 15, 2005
i'm tired tired tired... but... i'm happy.. coz my sales is good.. very very good!!! hope everydae is a sunny dae!! hm.. and, i got to see Adrian.. hehe... he came to fetch me even when he's tired.. hehe...
I have to wait till thursdae before i got my first off dae... then i have to wait another 7 daes before the second off dae and then will come my prada promotion.. hehee... i'm dead.. hehe... realli hope i will be able to have good sales for all working daes... hehee....
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
work sux for me... haiz... sales isn't good... my feet hurts.. my head hurts.. i'm stress... if this continue.. i guess i will smoke le.. haiz... too stress....
The sales are isn't good.. which make me feel like tired and conscious of the time.. watching each minute and seconds past... haiz.. I'm tired.. i have to wait till next thurs which is 21st before i'm able to get my first off dae!!!
That dae went over to the training.. hmm.. the perfume sux.. but i got one.. 50ml which cost 116.. hmmm.. heeehee.. not bad le lahz.. quite nice.. i like the color.. fading pink... hehe.. the uniform also quite nice...
haiz... i'm tired... when can i meet my friends... huiling i miss u.. haiz.. and.. when can i meet adrian...
I'm tired...
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Read the story book, forgive the moon.. Saw a description author had wrote " he's walking ahead, never beside me and each time I felt the quick sharp pinch, like a sewing needle. I hated shopping with him for this reason; he was always losing me. We wasted so much time trying to find each other."
It sounds so familiar.. I could clearly understand how the ger would feel.. anyway.. i was alone.. hogging on to my storybook.. keep reading and reading.. unconcern of the happenings ard me.. watched the tv.. received call from hanwei.. he's back.. finally.. happy for him that he had passed his diving lesson.. hmm... i guess he should be resting.. anyway... i'm juz feeling bored..
Read the storybook till 5am unknowingly.. i dunno whats so interesting about the book.. but i juz go on and on..
Juz woke up and had my breakfast.. then he called.. he is informing me that he need to go out with his parents later, or rather now.. and need to go for his nephew birthdae in the evening.. go ahead.. i chose not to go.. I noe.. I will feel out of place.. this means that i will alone todae..
Is the last weekend he had with me before i goin to work.. it may be no big deal for him.. but i noe, how busy i will be during weekends judging from the past experience. No more... for a week, the offdays normally fall on tuesdae or thursday... except for next week, fridae.
As for todae.. i will spend it will my family instead.. i dun mind a dae without him, perhaps it's a good news as it means less quarrel and conflict.. I wonder if his parents had not tell him to accompany them, will he plan a enjoyable dae for me, i guess he won't coz..
That's him
..It's my dreams..
Hoping to Spend my evening in a cable car.. lying in the arms of the guy my heart is devoted to...
I wanted to fly.. to somewhere for a holidae.. i will be contented even if it's at sentosa.. juz two person.. me and him..
i alwayz wanted to take a stroll at the beach... with my hands glasped in his.. strolling, leaving our footprints deep in the sand.. deep in my heart...
he said.. he wanted to bring me to east coast park this morning with his camp mates.. but he fell sick.. hence he din go... he wanted to go cycling with me.. haiz.. he deliberately wanted to tease me.. but i juz feel being despise.. anyway.. we din go.. and i guess.. we will never go in the near future.. haiz..
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Woke up at 1.. called him.. he dunno where to go.. what time to go out.. everything is wait wait and wait... how long can i wait.. i need to plan for my daes as well.. i hate a dae without planning..
he called at 2, telling me to meet him at toa payoh at 3.. well.. one hour.. i took my own sweet time.. deliberately to be late.. i was 20 mins late, but i dun feel at least guilty..
We were walking aimlessly.. far apart from each other.. i hate that kind of feeling.. estrange and disappointed.. walked ard with my mouth tightly sealed.. we din really.. and i din.. smile.. Went to collect his specs, had our late lunch at Mac.. we din tok.. i wonder if others will think we are dumb..
Went back to his house.. he became so lively and sweet.. so different.. but as usual.. he's indulged in his computer games.. while.. i watched my tv programmes... till 10.. he sent me home.. i dunno. i juz feel so disappointed.. i tot he will really plan for this weekend as this is the last weekend we can spent together before working.. anyway.. i shouldn't expect too much..
tomolo... his nephews birthdae.. twins.. His mum told him at the dinner table in cantonese.. i understand.. since his mum din ask me along.. so i just kept quiet.. it is okie.. i can spend my precious time with my family and not sitting there feeling so out of place.. Juz let me stay at home.. let me rest.. before i'm back to work...
So this means.. tomolo is gone.. but i guess... he wun care.. and wun mind.. coz i'm never important..
Last tuition yesterdae.. and i noe.. keith wouldn't want me go..
Received the tuition pay... hmm.. his mum gave me another 10 bucks more... then i went downstiars to buy him a packet of chips.. as he was eating he said sth like, " U really can't teach me anymore? U got off daes rite... can teach me.. if not.. i will be deprived of my games and tibits.."
What can i sae.. i hate to let go as well... but i juz dun have the time to teach him.. I'm sorry.. stayed with him for half an hour more.. before i actually set off to meet Adrian.. he said.. for the last time i'm goin to bid u goodbye... remember to visit me when u are free.. =)
Had my dinner with adrian at AMK.. then went to the pharmacies... saw my lid care wipe thing.. i really curse and swear when i actually saw that it is cheaper by half... diaoz.. i am really hopping like mad.. anyway... forget it lahz... the Dr LAW tookn my 100 bucks away this morning.. haiz.. the antibiotics cost me 20 bucks for 10 tablets.. it is killing me...
I'm broke... terribly broke...
Friday, April 08, 2005
... swollen swollen swollen swollen ...
*Pain*
I'm having a fever.. i guess so... it' burning hot.. Juz on the phone with jiayi and hanwei... i dunno.. where is he... perhaps he is juz busy..
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
My eye is swollen... dun tell me i need to go for another Op... NONONONO!!!!!!
I dunno why.. i now got a puffy and sore eye... diaoz... there goes the ladies nite and the sentosa trip... cannot go anywhere... haiz haiz haiz... stayed at home for the whole dae.. i'm goin to have cobwebs... i need to go out.. i miss the night scenary... i miss the beach...
Goin back to work.. back to the hectic lifestyle... wonder if i will go fatter or slimer... hope i will be slimmer.. hmm... Called him... it seems... he already went thru the email as he said, " why u keep touching on this kind of things, so what do you mean?" Seriously.. i mean nuthing... i juz wan to let u know how impt u are to me.. I'm thinkin tat far.. yet the goals are too high for me.. i can't reach them..
He keep stressing that since i got the thinkin of being inferior.. he can dun go for Uni.. thou i noe he is kidding.. but he make promises and he do mean it.. I'm happy.. i'm relieved..
Anyway.. SMU called me up for an interview on 18th april.. i'm happy... too happy beyond words.. but i noe.. there's still a long way to go.. i'm greedy.. but let me have the chance to choose between NTU and SMU please.. i need guarantees.. if god thinks i'm too much... juz give me a secure place in either one of the uni.. i will be contented..
As for the weekends.. he got to buy a phone, collect his specs.. and he even said we can go for shopping.. and he will buy things for me.. this is the one of the few times in the whole 5 years that he mention abt shopping.. anyway.. i noe he will be bored.. so juz forget it.. but.. i'm really really happy..
Haiz... i guess i'm realli gone this time.. my friend had received confirmation letter from NTU but i didn't... i'm a goner... haiz... i shouldn't expect too much from the lousy result i had... haiz... i'm realli realli sad... haiz... perhaps things are realli not on my side...
Whatever is it.. i guess.. maybe.. i will go out to work and try to earn for some money before trying for SIM.. perhaps thats the onli way... I admit.. i'm stupid..
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
should I? Should i not? to ask more abt the matter.. i'm really curious about it.. i realli wanted to know why.. But i'm afraid...
I dunno... for the whole dae.. i'm on the verge of crying... But he called.. everything seems alrite... i wonder if.. he really had read the email.. I dun dare to ask.. Todae.. My tone seems sad.. i dunno if he had realise.. but he is more cheerful and happy.. trying to tease me here and there to make mi luff.. but i didn't...
I really hope he can read the mail and give me a reply..
They are back... juz ended the conversation with hanwei and jiayi.. they seems happy.. really glad that they enjoy their trip.. they got sunburn.. i guess all of them got sunburnt.. hope they will be fine...
I'm now hoping.. to get into University.. i'm really praying hard.. to let me have the miracle...
Monday, April 04, 2005
It's my fault.. it had alwayz been my fault.. i noe it.. i'm guility.. i really owe him too much.. i realli noe.. i've tried.. not to be so bad tempered towards him.. calculative abt the past.. juz let the past be the past.. But i alwayz been so calculative when i'm with him.. i dunno why.. i realli dunno why...
Now again... i talked abt the past with him.. messaging him sth that i guess.. i muz have hurt him deeply.. but.. i'm here.. crying my hearts out.. It's time for me to learn to let go.. let the past juz past.. but i juz can't stop crying... they are all away... all i can do is to hug my pillow and cry...
Sunday, April 03, 2005
saw sth.. in his note book... i shouln't have taken it out of curiousity.. saw sth.. that i shouldn't have seen...
Fliped thru the note book... on one page of it.. i saw 4 names.. Adrian, liya, lishan and geraldine.. the other 2 girls are the topics for the quarrels.. i dunno why... i juz feel their are between us.. perhaps they isn't involve at all... but why did adrian wrote their name in as well...
i dunno... i juz feel like crying... i started to think of so many reasons... i guess.. i shldn't have trusted him so much.. thinkin that he onli have me.. he onli love me.. his eyes.. will onli be me... i guess i'm terribly wrong.. too wrong...
No matter what.. i'm in no position to sae him.. to scold him.. to blame him.. coz i'm the one who let him down first... All i can do.. is to keep silent..
anxious.. worried.. sad.. heartpain..
Shouldn't it be how a bf feel when his gf had gone thru pain.. thou it's not a big major operation.. but i guess.. he should be a bit concern bah... but i guess he isn't.. he had asked abt my eyes.. asking so much.. but nuthing to be done... He had not even make the effort to visit me.. he is not concern bah.. stop telling me how much u care for mi... stop trying to argue with me, trying to prove the point that u really concern about me.. If u are... no matter how.. by bus or mrt.. u will be now here standing beside me, hugging me.. thats the way to prove that u love me...
Lonely me... No more hanwei and jiayi... no more daily chats... no more laughters and jokes... I missed u all!!!!
In contra, I had a bad bad day... with tears and loneliness...
Early in the morning, went to see the doc again... he checked my eyes and said that.. the old wound had recover and noe is another new one... one on each eye... pain.. waited.. had my niece to accompany me outside.. she realli joke with mi, play with me.. consoling me... telling me not to scared... yesh.. thats why i doted on her so much... she's such a darling...
Went in... repeated the whole proces.. pain.. cries and tears.. i cried again... the nurse trying to wipe my tears for me... this time.. i dunno why.. when the doc started to cut.. that cut make blood splash onto my forehead.. haiz... pain.. all i can sae... When i get out of the room.. my niece told me "Mummy and daddy waiting for u downstairs."
My cousin and cousin in law had came to fetch me.. my niece held me so tightly, afraid that i might fall... when got out of the clinic.. my cousin put her arms around me.. holding mi tight.. guiding me to the car.. it had been a long time since she hold mi that way.. on the way back.. my the other cousin called... asking where am i.. he's waiting for me there with the twins... what can i sae.. all i can sae is that.. i'm fortunate.. i'm loved.. by so many people...
Yet.. the one i realli wanted to be with me.. is not with me.. he is busy.. no sms.. no phone call... i'm disappointed.. i'm sad.. i dunno why.. juz hope he can juz be with me.. consoling me.. there to let me feel secured... But... where is he...
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Late at night.. Juz finish conversation with jiayi and hanwei... they seems so happy for the trip.. hmm... but i will be lonely... haiz.. no matter wat.. realli hope u all can enjoy urself.. take care of urself... now... lonely.. he's playing billard as usual... haiz...
Friday, April 01, 2005
Had slept for almost 13 hours.. not enough.. never enough.. i'm still feeling tired.. very very tired.. my stomach is complaining, but brain chose to ignore it and continued to rest.. how selfish it is..
Now hungry and tired.. i came online... no one is ard.. i guess this will the situation for the next 3 daes when they will be in Tioman.. I'm lonely.. realli lonely this time.. goin for the op tomolo.. so.. i will need to stay at home.. facing the wall, facing the tv, facing the computer.. hmm.. sad bah..
I realli wish them to have a very very happy and safe journey.. do enjoy urself.. and please take care of my precious camera.. haha.. remember.. buy me sth... MUZ BUY!!! Whatever it is.. soon... i will be very very busy... Why?
I got my timetable from counter.. yes.. i'm busy... i was assigned to a launch.. i was shocked.. totally shocked.. i will be competing with so many old bird... !!! kaoz... all are super ger lor.. haiz.. he realli overestimate me.. anyway.. heard its a smelly men's perfume... so... i'm dead..
... when can i ever wear my contacts lens ...
I wrote sth... deep from my heart... hoping him to noe.. now its gone.. then let it be..
Looking at the girl... i noe how she feels.. we are on the same boat.. I chose this skin, becoz of her.. I have chosen to love, becoz of him
... Lonely, depressed, Lost ...
It marks the end of examination with the service marketing paper.. I guess.. worst of all papers will be SQM.. I just hope to get a B+, hopefully an A. I’m tired, drained and exhausted after days of insufficient sleep… my brain is on strike, I just couldn’t control it... perhaps those who really noe I’m goin bonkers are jiayi and hanwei bahz… How stupid I am to ask the surveyor what she means by the word year.. worst of all… I actually wrote 17 for my age.. haiz…
It the end… its really coming to an end.. my poly life, my happiness in lectures, the lame jokes we got from them.. yesh… I’m starting to miss them all… I dunno what will it be when I started with the new journey.
I’m really tired now… but too tired to sleep… eyes wide open, heart closed.. dun wish to tok… dun wish to say.. I’m weird… yesh.. I’m always weird.. getting insomnia for such a long time… I’m sick of it..
Actually wanted to get my eyes settled but the doc is not in.. so I guess I will need to go on Saturday.. it hurts *Ouch*
