Dainty Diva
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Juz when i look at my september scehdule and trying to convince myself that october will be better, i realized it would be worse.. *shake head* but take one step at a time bahz... what need to be done, has to be done..
Today when i was in the Mpw class.. i really had a hard time. I wonder if it's due to my moodswing or was it a thought that has alwayz been in my mind. I realised SMU is not the environment for me. I'm juz so slow in digesting information and hence couldn't make prompt comments, hence wun be able to speak up. Well.. iseriously got this feeling that i will be dead meat. I hated presentation, coz i seems so bad in front of others who can articulate well. I'm a coward who wanted to take the easy way out by stop all these projects, stress and bullshit. I hated them all.
The stress is not juz coming from the schoolwork, is coming from within me too. I can't speak up like others, i'm trying hard to adapt. In the first year, i told myself that it's alrite, now i have to tell myself that i'm slow and low adaptability to new environment. It is not the kind of stress that u can see from the timetable or from the environment, it is an invisible force that is causing my "breathing" difficulties.
Adaptability, a long word, but it takes even longer to manage it. Somehow, it can't be explained and guess very few will be understand the feeling i'm talking abt.
COuple of readings to do, homework to be done, project template to be done BY TOMOLO... shittt... i'm having "asthma" and "heart attack" soon.. and there are issues which make my life even hharder, and i really wan to scream at the top of my voice.
