Dainty Diva
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
An email, a birthday invitation, a msg...
Hotmail has been down and i was checking my yahoo mail for her reply, i knew she would reply, but i juz couldn't get into the hotmail and the past few days has been depressing for me. I dunno what to reply her and i really dunno how to face them, those who we shared our 3 years together and named ourselves porkies. That saturday, i was feeling really down and went for my mango ice when i saw sandra and andy. I was shocked, then i feel like crying. I hate the feeling.. they are once so close to me and now we seems like some acquaintance. I urged myself to say goodbye to her before i left that shop, but i can't.. I'm a coward,, i alwayz like to run away from things and i noe this wun solve the problem. However, i really dunno how to go abt chatting with ppl when i noe there's resentment there. I dun wan them to entertain me or talk to me juz not to make me feel embarassed, that's not how porkies behave, and i dun wan that to happen. Let go, i told myself. Painful, my heart complained. I've explained whatever i can to them and I really din wan things to be in this way, but i juz couldn't.. No one says it's easy to take the first step out and i'm glad that joyce offered to bring me back into the grp once again, but, the gap is still there, no matter what.
For the past month, Everything seems to fall out of my control and i got super paranoid with everything.. My hands seems to lose grip to everything and I indeed feeling very down due to my body conditions and school. i'm really trying hard to keep myself afloat, to survive in this school environment which i really dislike. Dun ask me what am i stressed abt, i'm stressed because i can't force myself to talk in front of the class and a huge percentage of the marks are allocated there. I dunno how to explain. Nothing to explain.
I'm sorry ger, if u still read my blog.. i really appreciate everything u are doing ger.. i'm sorrie..
