bunGler BlabberinG...

Dainty Diva

Friday, September 29, 2006

Monday... tuesday... wednesday.. it seems like a viscous cycle... continues on and on.. sometimes, the week went pass with a zoom, and sometimes it crawls like a snail. This week passed super duper fast. One day after another, one test after another, projects after projects and now it's already friday. Next week is HELLL weeek, but it isn't that bad after my super handsome marketing prof decided to push the mid term to week 9, after my recess week. Phew...

Argh.. finance... i really hate finance, coz i juz dun understand what's goin on in the market and i dun wan to know too. Everyone is saying that there's where the gold/money lies. But when everyone is trying to dig for that gold, the chance of getting the gold gets slimmer and slimmer as each person joined in the "fun". The market is saturating and soon enough, ppl will find another piece of land with gold.

I juz hope to study sth of my interest, but sad to say, i dunno what my interests are. I'm super confused.. i guess everything seems okie to me except for finance... =|

haiz.. it's dad's birthday and time for me to get out of my cozy room to wish him happy birthday.

Shan blabbering @ 5:42 PM

Thursday, September 28, 2006

my teeth is yellowish!!!! i'm drinking toooo much tea.... i wan my white teeeth!!! no more tea for me!!!! HurmP!

Shan blabbering @ 12:18 AM

Monday, September 25, 2006

TIme for me to wake up... I've been trying to stall for time and trying to wait for each day to pass.... damn.. i'm no longer me.. haiz.. time for me to get independent and start doin worrk.. the semester is ending... i need to wake up1!!!

Sorrie brenda.. haiz.. I really got to slap myself for that.. I need a super duper big alarm clock to wake me up.. i can''t be feeling lazy and tired all the time... time for workout... time for some exercise to wake every part of my body up...

Stop being so lazy bone!!!! haiz...

Shan blabbering @ 11:07 PM

photos and more photos!!!

Shan blabbering @ 1:47 AM

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Oohz... the past week is full of birthdays and parties..

On friday, went over to Qiujin's birthday at Chamber 82 and QJ really turned into a merlion... I saw many ppl smoking...i was so shocked.. i din expect so many of my secondary school friends holding cigarettes between their fingers, smoking away... =_="" Stupid diwei offered me cigarettes, i rejected him and he tell me dun act...!!!! I look like those who smoke one mehz!!!! haiz...

Then the next day went for lunch for dad's , then after that pop by joyce's to give her a birthday hug.. and i really feel so awkward that i wanted to stay outside the door.. haiz.. i noe everyone was looking at me, but i refuse to meet the eyes of anyone, except for the birthday ger joyce. I heard Fai saying things.. but i dunno how to react and i dun even noe what to say to kelvin when i first met him in Tampiness.. argggh...

Then i went over to judy's ... nice seeing her.. i din managed to send her off at the airport that time when she leaving for Australia and it's so nice seeing her again.. yuling went to remove her wisdom tooth, so, she din join me and hanwei... in the end, the three of us juz sat down and talked.. nice chat.. though it wasn't long like the past, it was sweet.. very sweet.. I lazy to upload the pics.. hahaa... will upload some day... =|

Huiling.. please thank me hor... i got u a pic.. though not very nice, but better than nothing.. and i'm really sorry that nite lahz.. i still love u lahz... =| hahaa... will meet up with u soooooOOn.. No pub.. no smoke, no cigarette.. my life like getting shorter and shorter le.. hahaa

Project TIme... =_=""" Monday Bluesss...

Shan blabbering @ 11:31 PM

Thursday, September 21, 2006

finally, i get to eat HOMECOOK food... haiz.. ALthough the food were not nice and onli got 2 dishes, but i feel contented.. The feeling of being satisfied. Now i wonder if i would miss homecook food if i really go for an exchange. I can't live without carbohydrates.

Projects and quiz.. more and more items added to my schedule! How i wish i can delete alll of them away.. Mid term is coming.. It's scaring me, coz other than marketing, i dun seems to have learn abt anything.. ooOpz. how how... =|

Judy called.. and i got project meeting in the morning, then go for class, then another project meeting in the evening after class... poor qiujin.. i dun think i can make it to her birthday party coz the meeting could end late and huiling will have to OT too...

I promise u dinner k? i can treat u to DINNER!!!!... Let's stay healthy, no cigarette smoke, no alcohol!!! hehee..

Shan blabbering @ 7:16 PM

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I drifted in lala-land when i was on my bed, and it took me 3 hours to walk home from lala land... The following two weeeks are crapz... projects, mid terms... i need more and more sleep as i grow older, i dunno why. I've been yawning in class and i guess that's the onli time i opened my mouth. Coz other than that, i juz merely stare at the prof or the screen. How to get participation marks like that? I seriously dunno.

Qiujin's birthday celebration is on friday nite.. Pubing.. not exactly my style.. and i also dunno goin or not. Got to see if i got meeting at the later time of the lesson. coz.. it look dumb to bring laptop and stuff to pub, or is it safe? i dunno lehz.. i seriously seldom go club or pub, or should i say i onli go like twice?

Appetite hasn't been good for the past few days, i've been practically taking in lots of junk foood.. Not good.. i noe.. but the eating time is quite irregular, so ended up taking snacks during class break.

I'm so grumpy today and i really max out leeee laaa... haiz... tomolo got morning class again and then project meeting... the cycle goes on and on.. i want my holidays now! i can't wait for christmas to come.

Shan blabbering @ 10:36 PM

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

It wasn't fun.. and i really over estimated myself.. i shouldn't have taken 6 modules this semester and almost everyday is project day. Things wasn't that bad. I'm consoling myself.. Brenda told me that i am super defensive and will jump out to start defending myself everything a negative comment was made.. ahhaa.. it's very true. i noe.. i juz can't stand criticism and i willl change.. hahaa... *grinz*

today got a long day and my brain is over hauled.. got to do some reading for tomolo's quiz and need to wrap up my excel assignment. I swear this is the only time i hate my MAC.. everything is different when it is on my screen, and on a windows.. i wonder how ugly i will die when it comes to mid term... haiz.. everything is goin fast and week after week is passing fast. Soon, project writeups, case studies and projects will be dueeee soooooon... i'm looking forward to my holidays, this semester is too unbearable.. but, next semester might be worse..

Daddy should be celebrating his birthday on saturday afternoon or evening.. arghhz.. many many birthdays... Time for my reading and exceeel.... =|

Shan blabbering @ 9:37 PM

Sunday, September 17, 2006

i swear my prof has sth wrong his brain... HOW can one normal human being squeeeze 3 loooong tables into one page on the excel sheet.. An A4 is an A4 paper afteralll, it can't be expanded to accommodate everything, can it? I really want to get one damn big mahjong paper and paste everything up there... and hand that in!!!! One piece of PAPER for ALLL questions...

I dun understand why is he such a sadist and making everyone's life so difficult. CAn he use his Fu*king brain to think on how we are suppose to squeeze everything in when the font size is already so small. We are sparing a thought for his damn eyes and understand that he is too old to squint his eyes hard to search for ans. We din wan him to get so frustrated over the small font that he pulled the last few strands of hair out of his empty head.

I dun understand what he is thinking... he is vertainly one of the Permanent Head Damage holders in Singapore.. he is a STICK TO THE MUD old mannn.... why can't the MUD drown him instead... HATE him like shit

Shan blabbering @ 11:24 PM

Friday, September 15, 2006

The past few days have been very torturing. Ever since i get to know abt my jaw thingy, i wasn't interested in every other things. It seems to me that life juz go on, clock will stil tick, time will still pass. I made no attempt to improve myself to perform better, instead, i switched my whole mind off. I took a great deal of time to digest what ppl said to me, the questions ppl posed in class, even some of the readings that we are told to do. Diminishing Marginal Return, a term seems so familiar but i dun think it's the cause for my case. It seems to me that i've gave up on myself.

Today, when i went to collect the financial calculators from my prof, we engaged in a short conversation of majors and life. He told me that he isn't working now, he is playing now. He alwayz look so hyper and excited in class. He said to me, "see things with an open mind and many of the students can't think because they are spoon fed for as long as 17 years." It could be true, and i'm definitely one the the many who can't think and process. I din noe the correct way to articulate well and express my views and comments. Inferior. that's how i feel when i sat in class everyday, listening to those impossible questions. Fear, that's how i feel when endless of questions were thrown to u to get u to elaborate and even express ur views on their questions. It's no longer the small class that i used to have in poly, which will keep quiet and not ask any questions after each presentation. It is so different here. We all bombard each other with questions and different point of view. Thats the way we are facilitating the class.

It wasn't easy to get over the cultural shock, no one says is easy. The simple conversation with my prof set me thinking, to ask myself what i really want in life. He said that it wasn't easy to made it so far to uni and he says that the most impt thing is to welcome challenges and take the school as a playing field. Everyone is here to learn, if not this wun be called a school or institute. Enlightenment. I stoned for a while, and i guess it's time for me to catch up. I can't stay in my comfort zone, hoping that everything will remain the same. Nothing remains the same, onli history stays as what it was written. It's time for me to move on, to stop being so stubborn and childish for hating the school. Time for me to grow up, to accept what's coming up and to set the direction that i intend to go towards.

~ Grow up ~

Shan blabbering @ 5:28 PM

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

An email, a birthday invitation, a msg...

Hotmail has been down and i was checking my yahoo mail for her reply, i knew she would reply, but i juz couldn't get into the hotmail and the past few days has been depressing for me. I dunno what to reply her and i really dunno how to face them, those who we shared our 3 years together and named ourselves porkies. That saturday, i was feeling really down and went for my mango ice when i saw sandra and andy. I was shocked, then i feel like crying. I hate the feeling.. they are once so close to me and now we seems like some acquaintance. I urged myself to say goodbye to her before i left that shop, but i can't.. I'm a coward,, i alwayz like to run away from things and i noe this wun solve the problem. However, i really dunno how to go abt chatting with ppl when i noe there's resentment there. I dun wan them to entertain me or talk to me juz not to make me feel embarassed, that's not how porkies behave, and i dun wan that to happen. Let go, i told myself. Painful, my heart complained. I've explained whatever i can to them and I really din wan things to be in this way, but i juz couldn't.. No one says it's easy to take the first step out and i'm glad that joyce offered to bring me back into the grp once again, but, the gap is still there, no matter what.

For the past month, Everything seems to fall out of my control and i got super paranoid with everything.. My hands seems to lose grip to everything and I indeed feeling very down due to my body conditions and school. i'm really trying hard to keep myself afloat, to survive in this school environment which i really dislike. Dun ask me what am i stressed abt, i'm stressed because i can't force myself to talk in front of the class and a huge percentage of the marks are allocated there. I dunno how to explain. Nothing to explain.

I'm sorry ger, if u still read my blog.. i really appreciate everything u are doing ger.. i'm sorrie..

Shan blabbering @ 8:36 PM

i seriously hate school.. i dunno why.. but i juz feel it's not a place for me.. i juz can't do weelll in this bloody school, but i hate myself for having the thought of scrapping thru.. argggh... damn...

Shan blabbering @ 4:20 PM

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

one prob after another... first is my eye, then comes my jaws.. i really sick of traveling to and fro NUH and EYE centre.. i juz wan a break.. The specialist told me that my jaw is in very bad shape, even an old 90 yrs old ah ma also have better jaws then me. Exaggerating? I hope i am, but he showed me the x ray of an ah ma of 70 years old. Indeed, is so much better than mine.

Whyy.. i dunno why i have this problem.. my jaw is like the knee cap of those grannies, need to insert these jelly thingy to reduce the friction. juz pray that my jaw has slowly stop deteriorating and i dun need to undergo that operation. No more braces, no more nice neat teeth.. I'm left with a depleting jaw and a heavy heart. haiz..

Shan blabbering @ 12:24 PM

Monday, September 11, 2006

well... i failed my TP... i MOUNT kerb... arggggh... my parking everything was okie!! but that tester chose one directional change obstacle without the marking one!!! i dunno when to full lock lahz... but heng i manage to park in... but hor... when i wanted to turned out to the road, i mmount kerb.... arggggh... super sianz..

i willl try harder next time... but i like the feeling of driving.. i will passssss my test next time!!!

Shan blabbering @ 4:57 PM

Sunday, September 10, 2006

This week is like shit.. and so was the weekend.. i wonder what did i do to be sooooo unlucky till i wan to scream out loud, and stab that bloody barcode on his chest... damn...

my luck is super down and i took in chocolates to bOOOost my luck... i wan plenty of luck tomolo!!!!

argGh.... i can't sleeeep but i'm sooo tired...

Shan blabbering @ 11:33 PM

Friday, September 08, 2006

Since the school has started, i'm missing my bed more and more. The most apparent reason is that i have not spent more than 8 hours with it each day and in fact, i seems to spend more time with SMU... and of course my sweet brenda.. hahaa..

The past few days were hell and now i finally can relax a little and start the work tomolo or the day after. too many things on hand, too many errands to attend to. One of the worst things is drving lessons.. They are scheduled in the morning like 8.30 and i only get to sleep like 1am... helll.. I am lazy, and i need more than 9 hours of sleeep. The stupid driving test is on monday and i've got 0 chance of passing it... my driving is really like shit and i really dunno how to park the damn car.. all i noe is to do the normal way that eveyr normal driver will do.. I really dunno how to park when the car is 90degrees to the parking lot... gawwwwd...

It's my first time in circuit and i actually lost count of the number my engine died... the cars in circuit is too slow.. and i'm so used to driving on road... kill me... i dunno how to drive at 2nd gear without hearing the engine roaring.. argggh... another circuit tomolo and then, i shall get myself prepared for the stupid TP.. =|

Argggghhhh... i need some caffeine pills..

Shan blabbering @ 2:28 PM

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Juz when i look at my september scehdule and trying to convince myself that october will be better, i realized it would be worse.. *shake head* but take one step at a time bahz... what need to be done, has to be done..

Today when i was in the Mpw class.. i really had a hard time. I wonder if it's due to my moodswing or was it a thought that has alwayz been in my mind. I realised SMU is not the environment for me. I'm juz so slow in digesting information and hence couldn't make prompt comments, hence wun be able to speak up. Well.. iseriously got this feeling that i will be dead meat. I hated presentation, coz i seems so bad in front of others who can articulate well. I'm a coward who wanted to take the easy way out by stop all these projects, stress and bullshit. I hated them all.

The stress is not juz coming from the schoolwork, is coming from within me too. I can't speak up like others, i'm trying hard to adapt. In the first year, i told myself that it's alrite, now i have to tell myself that i'm slow and low adaptability to new environment. It is not the kind of stress that u can see from the timetable or from the environment, it is an invisible force that is causing my "breathing" difficulties.

Adaptability, a long word, but it takes even longer to manage it. Somehow, it can't be explained and guess very few will be understand the feeling i'm talking abt.

COuple of readings to do, homework to be done, project template to be done BY TOMOLO... shittt... i'm having "asthma" and "heart attack" soon.. and there are issues which make my life even hharder, and i really wan to scream at the top of my voice.

Shan blabbering @ 6:16 PM

Sunday, September 03, 2006

this month will be like hell.... look at my schedule.. and this is even before the group projects coming in.. and i'm sure there will be more projects meetings needed to add on to my schedule.

hOHOoho... things are getting hectic but interesting as well.. haha.. let see how it goes... and i'm sure i will have to wait till 7pm to start my group project discussions for most of the situations.. coz every modules have diff groups, every group member has diff timetable... so the only time slot free is 7pm after school ends... well done...

can't wait for christmas to come... =|

Shan blabbering @ 11:28 PM

It's only the second weeeek and the work is piling up.. i wonder why the profs nowadays really like to torture ppl, they are sadist i guess. Weekly quizzes, weekly assignments, weekly homework, couple of mid terms, couple of projects, couple of presentations... they are scaring me.... but i noe things wun be that bad when they comes.. juz take tackle each of them at a time.

My driving lessson, my driving test.. this is the one which is definitely scaring the shit out of me. i got to practice more and there's one more week before i will sit beside the tester and show how "capable" and "gifted" i am in driving.. hahaa..

there's a saying, said to me by a friend- "Today is the tomorrow which you are worrying for yesterday." ehh... sth like that lahz.. the meaning is there... hahaa...

so dun worry and stay happpy!!! juz that my time is damn pack with my driving and dental and projects and group discussion plus homework... arghh..

Shan blabbering @ 1:46 PM

Friday, September 01, 2006

pretty.. the first word ppl used to describe her. Sweet.. they added. Memories are sweet, but not the reality. Reality is cruel but we still need to accept it, coz I wun have any ways and means to change what had happened.

Pretty, she will alwayz be. Here, she shall alwayz stay. My heart.

Shan blabbering @ 12:51 PM