Dainty Diva
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
thoughts kept running thru my mind as though they are in marathon. Quarrels, conflicts, ugly scenes.. None of these things actually happened in the 3 years of poly we went thru together.. We had disagreements during project meetings, but we all noe when to take a step back. But this time i think i really took everything for granted. In one of the modules i studied, it taught us that there's always a cycle in twam building. Forming, Norming, Storming, Resolving. Once, i told my friends that my poly clique had never gone thru the storming stage, whereby we will quarrel, trying to sort our differences and trying to come back together to accept each other. My professor said that only teams which went thrru this cycle will be able to cope and adapt with future changes. It seems what he said is true. Theories had come alive.
We were once so close, went thru the tough time together, celebrated everyone's birthday with big big smiles and hugs. We used to be very open to each other, we talked abt everything under the sun. Once i said to someone, 5 of us, 2 pairs of best friends, and i noe they have tried not to leave me out. No matter what, i'm too sensitive to feel absolutely alright abt it. Perhaps as what she mentioned, the problems have alwayz been there, juz that we chose to leave it unresolved and untouched. I dunno if others think the same way as me, but i'm glad that things are clear too me and i came to realised that what i did had indeed hurt many of u. Perhaps the main cause of all these are by me, when things are clear, things can be resolved. To me, friends are suppose to be open to each other, point out things in life and hope to sort out the differences and problems.. that least that's my thinking... ALthough I dunno how long that will take, and i dunno if this day will ever come by, i hope things wll be better, things will be alright.
I noe all these will be hard, coz we indeed have different school of thoughts. Communication seems to be a problem now. No matter what, memories will alwayz stay, coz i want them too. But life still goes on, the sun still rise and set. Perhaps i'm far too practical abt my life but I'm really not trying to say that all these are trifle matters which i dun even care. But that, things have come to a stage whereby what i said have inevitably became excuses. Action speaks louder than words, ppl had always repeating this phrase over and over again, trying to tell ppl to stop talking, and start to do something. But things are already a fact, it doesn't mean that i dun care when i dun follow what u all do. I would rather to help her complete her dreams than to keep reminding her that she has left us and she's constantly on our mind. I noe she knows it, all these assurance dun help, at least not in this instance. All these are my views and i dun mean that ppl have to agree with me too. Juz that all i wan is to get a good degree to repay my parent's hardwork, to secure me a good future as well as to tell her that i've did it.
agree or disagree, they all dun matter to me anymore, coz i noe where i'm heading towards and trying to make my way to achieve the goals. Selfish and self-centered it may seems, but it doesn't seems to me that way, coz that's theh best thing i could ever do to repay my parents for trying to scrimp and save every cent for me to further my studies.. It's not easy for them and i wun juz scrap thru things which i've already promised them, her and myself..
