Dainty Diva
Sunday, July 16, 2006
things finally are clear to me.. let's start from the start when she got an accident. I noe i hasn't been there when you all waited for her outside the wards etc. I noe i wasn't there on her last journey with us.. But i did mentioned to u all, didn't i? I'm not putting in effort, but can u all at least understand my situation before u all judge me. I am in the wrong, i noe, but i indeed rushing projects, trying hard to finish, so that i could attend her funneral. On 3rd feb, the day she left, it's the twins' birthday. It's no excuse i noe. But i juz hate to see everyone crying there.. i dunno why i choose to leave and it's my fault, i noe. On the 7th Feb, hehr last journey with us, u mentioned, I was having my test at 12pm sharp. it is a test i can't miss it. You all think that i've easy time with myself for not sending her off for the last time? I've got teerrible results too okie, 3/15.. then projects keep coming on and off... I lost a friend, i noe, and i am sad... But a project is in groups of 5 and even 6.. I can't be not doin my part and dragging everyone down...
Visits you all went down.. i onli remember u all telling me taht u all goin down on her actual birthday.. I really really dun wan to go down to mandai.. i really really dun wan to see the niche.. can u all understand.. i dunno how to explain why i din wan to see the niche.. but i really really dunno how to react when i see the photo on the niche..
The last semester was really very tough for me.. the numbers of public hols gave me endless of make up lessons.. and i'm studying things which i dun even noe what i'm studying.. speechless.. i dunno what to say, not that i feel totally guility for it.. but sometimes, i juz dunno how to tell u all everything at one shot, why i really wan to do well in studies, why i chose not to face the cold niche on the wall. Forget it.. everything was my fault at first.. since i'm now opening the wound, i din wan to make things so difficult for all of u.. and what i say, u all will think are excuses.. but i was indeed caught up by many unexpected and last min projects and work... I seriously hate my life too.. Juz let things be.. I din wan to make everyone feeling down.
