Dainty Diva
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Juz came back from sandra's birthday celebration... We joked, we smiles, we laugh as though everything is the same.. but.. we all noe it wasn't.. sth is missing.. someone is missing.. it's her..
Louis sent me to sandra's house and i was there early.. sat at the living room.. the last time i went her house was the day when we try to make a photo album for weiling's mum..
We had steamboat.. and then we had cake.. the usual birthday song.. the usual birthday wishes.. the usual birthday sabos by me.. the usual photo taking session.. but not the usual ppl... someone is missing.. it's her..
The food will be gone wif her ard... she will crap that she need to go on a diet if she is there... but... she's not there... we miss her.. and she missed all our birthday celebration for this year.. and every year from 3rd february 2006 onwards... the day when all our hearts sank.. the day when we lost her..
Read joyce's blog.. sense the kind of pain and regrets she has.. the apologies that she hope can be heard by weiling.. my tears welled up as i read thru them... pictures of her flashing past my mind... tears welled up... and eventually fall..
On 2nd feb 2006, I've received a phonecall from wanqi... i knew sth is wrong.. coz wanqi dun normally call me.. esp in the night at abt 10.35... Picked up the call.. heard the msg.. heart sank... i trembled.. i feel lost... all of a sudden.. i dunno what to do.. grabbed my bag, grabbed my wallet and phone... called jiayi.. and rushed down.. i'm scared.. i'm trembling as i speak to louis..
Managed to see her... held her cold, stiff hands... i can't help but cry... i can't even utter her name out... i looked at her.. i stared at her.. i dunno what to say.. nothing i can say... i felt lost... i went home after a few hours.. i din sleep.. i stoned.. i din attend my morning class the next day.. i met up with louis for my afternoon class.. tears are rolling in my eyes.. and i refuse to let them fall..
For a day or two... my eyes are alwayz wet.. my heart hurts even till now.. vision was blur when i was trying to rush out my report... i went to the school on saturday, 1 day after she left... i couldn't help but let my tears fall as i do my report in the study room.. everything is juz like a dream.. a dream which i hope will never come true..
Till today.. i smiled when i mention weiling.. i laugh at her comments and things she did.. i'm glad to have her as my friend... I never learn to cherish my friend.. i often overlook things which are important to for friendships to substain.. i never noe how to communicate with friends.. i never noe how to tell them frankly how i feel.. Perhaps ppl may feel i'm drifting away from everyone.. perhaps some may feel that i'm not making time for friends.. but when i meet up with them.. i really dunno what to say to them... i dunno why... i'm weird.. and i hate myself.. i really really hate myself for all these.. i hope that i can be more open towards my friends.. i really cherish them.. but i really dunno the right way to handle friendships.. can someone juz teach me the way to cherish and maintain those treasured friendships i have... coz i'm afraid.. i'm scared.. to lose any one of them...
