Dainty Diva
Saturday, March 11, 2006
That day, brenda asked me why am i so stressed up... the reason is simple.. coz i wan to do well.. but behind the reasons of why i want to do well.. are a long list of reasons... It's not that i want to be stressed.. who will wan to be stress when she can enjoy...
MAny people dun understand.. or i should say all people dun understand... why am i so stressed up.. why i kept saying i'm busy.. why am i not sparing some time for friends or those who i know are important for me.. What can i do when i dun even have time for myself... Do i really want all these?? I dun want them too.. It has been difficult and tiring for a dumbass like me to keep studying and keeping up with the schoolwork.. i had enough in my poly and now i'm facing things which are even worse.. I dun wan to explain why i chose to neglect those ppl ard me.. but frankly speaking... i really have no time.. I need to sleep.. i need to study... Those professors are giving us hard times as they dun really teach.. there are many things which we need to read up ourselves.. it's not as easy as it seems to be..
It is true tat we have shorter lessons and school time.. but who knows that we are actually spending more time on our projects instead.. endless and endless of projects.. things are made worse when i'm doin different projects with different groups.. accommodating, compromising, sacrificing my free time.. all these seems to be manatory in SMU...
I din wan to explain so much to everyone.. coz i'm tired.. I hope that friends do understand.. but apparently it's hard..
I wanted to do well in studies.. not because i dunno how to enjoy my life nor chose to neglect my friends.. it is that i choose to repay my parents for their hardwork in bringing me up and working hard for me to go uni.. i want to do them proud, i want to fulfill their dreams.. it's something that money can't give.. it's something that i sincerely hope to achieve.. but... it's hard.. i'm doin all these.. at the expense of my enjoyment, at the expense of the time i could spent with friends.. at the expense of everything...
I chose to work during hols.. not because i've got nothing better to do.. not that i dun wan to spend time with friends and hang outwith them.. who wouldn't want to go shopping and live happily.. It's juz that i've got my reasons.. i no longer want to add on to my parents' burden by juz telling them to pay for everything.. I need to think for my younger brother too.. there are so many things which i need to think about.. to take care of... People may think that i'm so stupid to think for all these problems when it seems to be the responsibility of the parents.. but to me.. this is not my parents' responsibility to pay for all my expenses.. It's a family thingy.. and i'm part of the family..
I'm too tired to explain.. to everyone.. If things are meant to be.. it will be... Being ünderstanding and empathetic is hard.. I know it..
